13 reasons sex is the unsexiest thing ever

We’ve seen all the movies where everything is so passionate as they do the no pants dance. But thanks to editing, we never see the awkward, ‘do you have a condom?’, or trying to take of your boots at the side of the bed. There are some things about sex which are just really unsexy.

1. Hitting Your Head Against The Headboard
In a non-sexy, painful way.

2. Sweatiness In General
Think about it. After an hour at the gym, you’re hot, sweaty, dehydrated and the thought of being touched makes you want to die. That is sex!

3. Leaving Your Socks On
It’s a lose-lose situation. There is no sexy way of taking your socks off but there is nothing more disgusting then a warm, sweaty, scratchy piece of fabric caressing your leg.

4. Condoms
They are a complete necessity yet they are completely unsexy. Worth it though, in the end!

5. Dirty Talk
Dirty talk just doesn’t work. ‘What are you going to do to me’ just doesn’t have the same effect that it did in the classic, ‘Womb Raider’.

6. The Orgasm Face
It’s perfectly natural but you have no idea what you look like…it could be anything. Like this:

7. Doggy Style
It feels great but there is nothing sexy about it. The general position, the awkwardness of trying to get into that position in the first place. And in it’s simplicity, you are having sex like a dog.

8. The Willy
They just dangle there. It looks like an elephant’s trunk from behind. They’re just disgusting.

9. The Vagina
It’s just skin with a hole in it. It’s an entrance into the unknown. At some point maybe even a person will come out of it? An actual person!

10. General Undressing
It’s never like the movies. It’s incredibly awkward. Do you undress each other or just do it yourselves. If you’re wearing skinny jeans it’s just a bad time. You had to almost sling shot yourself into them and now you have to be all seductive without flailing your legs about like a washed up dolphin.

11. Trying to be Quiet
There’s nothing worse then trying to be quiet in the throws of passion. You have the same face when you’re trying to remember if you turned the oven off earlier.

12. ‘That’ Noise
You know that noise. That squelching sound. ‘Squelch’. *Shudder*

13. The Queef
A fanny fart is a woman’s worst nightmare. There’s no coming back from it. You heard it, he heard it. He’ll pretend he didn’t and carry on but the whole act of lovemaking is just ruined. Who knew some wind caught in an up draught could cause so much havoc.

via our content partner CT