13 things you will only know if you’re a straight-up CAT person
Cats get a bad wrap, and gals who are only mad about them get an even worse one.
Being labelled a 'crazy cat lady' by your nearest and dearest in public doesn't exactly endear you to strangers because… well… apparently you're a crazy cat lady.
And who needs that drama in their life?
Possessing an innate devotion to felines has its ups and downs, and here are just 13 of them.
1. You never really know where you stand.
That cat could have spent the last two hours purring happily on your lap, but that's not going to stop it clawing the hand off you at a moment's notice.
"You little f**ker!"
2. Defending their narkiness is a full-time job.
Insisting that your cat is just having an off-day when visitors rock up has never fooled anyone.
"No, no, she's normally so friendly! I'm sorry, she must be feeling a bit depressed today."
3. You secretly fear your cat only likes you so it can get food.
While you might bask in the moment they wrap their body around your legs before skedaddling over to their food dish, you do question their motives.
"If I missed one damn meal, I'd never see them again. Better overfill that bowl."
4. You have on more than one occasion pretended to be dead in order to see if they would care.
They didn't.
"Pssst, I'm dead over here. Hello?"
5. You have grossed yourself out by looking in their ears.
You know you're not going to like what you see, but sometimes you can't resist having a good gawp.
"Jaysus, it looks like a load of miniature brains."
6. You have cheered yourself up by playing with the pads of their paws.
Tracing your finger over those spongy little feet is an instant pick-me-up.
"Touch it! Oh my God, would you look at this angel!"
7. You have questioned whether your house smells like cat pee.
Randomly sniffing the air to see if your cat has made a holy show of you is par for the course.
"Do you smell cat p*iss? Oh my God, you do, don't you?"
8. You feel secretly super upset when your friends chat about pets, and yours doesn't even get an honourable mention.
When you find yourself insisting someone compliment your cat, you know you have a problem.
"Maybe if you actually made an effort with her, you'd see how amazing she is."
9. You get a pang of jealously when you hear about pet dogs rescuing their families from burning buildings.
Insisting that the media has a bias towards dogs is one of your go-to drunk rants.
"Although to be fair, Fluffy would have probably set the fire. Hic"
10. The sound of your cat caterwauling at night is enough to make you want to move house.
Living in fear that your neighbours will think you've raised a sex-crazed feline keeps you awake at night.
"For Jaysus sake, can he not keep it down? Making a holy show of us."
11. Enduring a prolonged yawn from your cat after their dinner is enough to make you dry-heave.
You're super glad they're having a chill time and totally glad they're close enough to nuzzle noses with you, but that breath is like the portal to hell.
"Does mouthwash for pets exist?"
12. You still struggle to understand why your cat feels the need to present their arse to you on a regular basis.
When they turn around and happily raise their tail, you do wonder why you're so devoted to them.
"No please, don't make me look."
13. You get a massive pang of pride when you watch them clean up after doing their business.
The way they dig that hole in their secret corner of the garden and then cover up their business with loose soil is definitely something to write home about.
"You wouldn't see Rover next door at that craic."
