16 things you should never do straight after sex

There are some things that are just never ok to do after sex. Here are some of them: 

1. Checking Your Phone Straight Away
Stop trying to make after-sex selfies happen. Please. 

2. Dirty Talk
It was semi appropriate during sex, it’s just not post-sex. 

3. Complete Silence
Twiddling your thumbs and staring in the opposite direction probably isn’t the best result after 10 minutes of passion. 

4. Falling Asleep Straight Away
It's not just guys this happens to y'know!

5. Bursting Out ‘I Love You’
Similar to calling your teacher mommy in school, it’s never an appropriate time and you will surely be teased about it for years to come.

 

 

6. Searching For Your Clothes Straight Away
You just had sex, you didn’t murder someone. There’s no need to try and forget it ever happened by searching frantically for your onesie. You have already seen each other naked, there’s no point in hiding it now.

7. Cuddling
We all like a nice cuddle after sex but straight away it is a bit disgusting. Give yourself a five minute cooling off period.

8. Having A Shower
There’s no easier way to make someone feel like a dirty fecker like running for the shower to cleanse yourself. Where the hell is the loufa!!!

9. Asking for Round 2 Immediately
He's not a machine. 

 

10. Asking Them to Leave
Sometimes it can be easy to overstay your welcome, and a small hint about a 9:00 lecture might be appropriate but before they’ve even had a chance to catch their breath might be a bit too soon.

11. Not Disposing of the Condom
It’s pretty standard. You put a condom on, do the no pants dance and then dispose of the condom straight away. It is not to be kept as a souvenir.

12. Ringing Your Mother/ Friends
‘Hi, Ya, I’m finished now will ya pick me up?’ Surely you can wait for your celebratory high five from your friends until later?

13. So … Where is This Going?
Don’t have the ‘talk’ straight after sex. Neither of you are in a position to have this talk. It’s a trap. Avoid this subject like the plague. You are never as vulnerable as when you’re completely naked in someone else's bed.

14. "So How Many People Have You Slept With?"
Do you really want to know the answer to that question?

15. "So Was It Good For You?"
This is not a customer care survey.

16. Crying
How can you be certain there won’t be a second time? This would be it. If there was ever a time to bury your feelings now would be the time. Deep. Deep down.

via our content partner CT