Love languages: What are they and how best to utilise yours

We’ve all taken the love language test by now, right?

I remember when we first came across the concept, for many of us it was fascinating, these actions and manifestations of love that we showed to those around us. It was like figuring out some deep unlocked part of you and suddenly, a lot of your actions within your relationships, past and present will be seen in a new light and make so much sense.

Once you understand how you show love and how your partner shows love, it’s far easier for us to understand and appreciate the gestures that they make and vice versa. Just because you show it one way does not necessarily mean that your partner will show it the same way. But once you know how the other person shows it, it becomes a hell of a lot easier to make them feel loved!

For anyone not familiar with the love language test, it is a quiz that you take to figure out how you think love and affection should be shown, given and received. If there’s an immediate answer that comes to mind for you, like ‘It’s obviously saying I love you’, or ‘By doing little things for them’, you’ll be surprised to know that not everyone gives and receives love in the same way.

There are six categories of love languages and most people are often a blend of two. They are;

Quality time:

Examples; Create special moments together, plan thoughtful dates, do chores together, have focused conversations, setting goals and achieving them together

Acts of service:

Examples; Assist with projects, make their favourite meal, random acts of kindness, help with workload, thoughtful personal care

Physical Touch:

Examples; Hug your partner, take a walk holding hands, make intimacy a priority, kiss your partner, sit close to each other

Receiving gifts:

Examples; Giving thoughtful gifts big and small, show excitement when receiving, make genuine gestures, give small tokens of appreciation, celebrate special occasions

Words of Affirmation:

Examples; Use encouraging words, give genuine compliments, appreciate the little things, empathise when hurt, listen without distractions.

Which ones of these sound like you and your partner? Is there a few, or just one?

We put together a little suggestion chart of different ideas for you and your partners love languages and how you can appreciate one another in each other’s languages!

Quality time

This one depends on what interests and hobbies you and your partner have. Giving them your undivided attention is a big part of this activity – this can mean putting away electronics, switching off from work and active listening. By planning the activity for the date night, you’re showing that you’re invested in them, putting time into them and are making sure that the date night will be perfect for both of you.

• Have a TV show you watch together
• Start a fun class together
• Plan a trip together
• Bake together
• Go shopping together
• Go hiking
• Plan a picnic
• Read the same book and discuss it
• Book tickets for a new movie, your favourite band, a play
• Exercise together

Acts of Service

Easing people’s burdens and helping them with their responsibilities is your go to! A little pampering, a little offering to help, it all goes a long way. When you offer to help with their problems – not necessarily try to solve them – it makes them feel loved and relieved as their mental and errand load shifts just a little.

• Make them dinner now and again when they’re struggling with a big project or workload
• Offer to run to the store for them when they’re busy or need something
• Make them breakfast in bed
• Look after them when they’re sick
• Make them a priority
• Offer to fix little jobs around the house, like broken lightbulbs, squeaky hinges
• Do chores without being asked
• Offer to drop them off or pick them up from places

Physical Touch

This is not necessarily a sexual love language, though many people mistake it for that. Touch is a powerful way to convey feelings and intimacy to not only spouses and partners but also to friends and family. It’s about reinforcing your interest and presence

• Give them a back or head massage
• Play-wrestle together
• Have a skincare night, apply facials, do manicures or give them a foot rub
• Have a bath together
• Tickle them
• Play with their hair
• Cuddle while watching a movie
• Surprise them with random hugs and kisses throughout the day and when they come home

Receiving Gifts

A lot of people think that this is a selfish or materialistic love language, but really it’s that this person is looking for tangible symbols that they’re loved. It’s not about being bought expensive things or over the top products – it’s about thoughtfulness and thinking of someone. It could be as simple as picking up their favourite chocolate bar when you’re out doing the shopping.

• Remember their favourite takeaway and send some to them
• Bring along flowers or chocolates just because
• Send a care package
• Pay attention to something they’ve been talking about – a new sweater, a food they’ve been craving or something they need for their house
• Make a fuss of anniversaries
• Buy them a nice edition of their favourite book or the latest one released by their favourite author
• Organise a weekend away together somewhere they’ve always wanted to go

Words of Affirmation

Verbal expressions of love are big for this person. Knowing they’re appreciated and loved – and sharing it with others even can be a big sign to this person that they’re secure in the relationship. Words build them up.

• Put a cute note in their bag
• Praise them when they achieve something and let the know you’re proud
• Call them randomly to see how they are
• Write them a love letter
• Send a cute text out of the blue
• Discuss their strengths and achievements with friends in front of them and hype them up
• Make a jar full of cute notes complimenting them
• Check in with them here and there especially when they’re having a hard time