‘All I wanted to do was die’ – CARA shares her experience of depression
You’d imagine it must take bags of confidence and a solid sense of self to be able to walk the most coveted runways in the world, but as more and more celebrities open up about their personal struggles with mental health, it's becoming increasingly obvious that even global superstars sometimes struggle to maintain their self-esteem. And – as a new interview with Esquire magazine has revealed – Cara Delevingne is one such star.
In October last year the popular model-turned-actress revealed at the Women in the World summit that she has battled bouts of depression since she was a teenager, and now she has expanded on her mental health struggles – which include depression, suicidal thinking and self-harm – for Esquire.
Having witnessed her mother's manic depression and various drug addictions as a child, by the time Cara was a teenager the impact of her family’s issues began to be revealed as she became increasingly depressed and suicidal.
Cara told the mag: “I think I properly started dealing with depression when I was about 16…when all the stuff with my family started to make sense and came to the surface.”
“As a kid I felt like I had to be good and I had to be strong because my mum wasn’t. So, when it got to being a teenager and all the hormones and the pressure and wanting to do well at school — for my parents, not for me — I had a mental breakdown.”
“I was suicidal…I couldn’t deal with it any more. I realised how lucky and privileged I was, but all I wanted to do was die,” she remembers.
At 16 Cara was taken out of school for six months and prescribed medication which she said left her feeling “numb”.
Because of this experience the star now says she hates medication – although she does acknowledge that the meds she was given during her teenage years may have saved her life.
She recounts coming off the tablets at 18 and what it was like to be able to fully feel her emotions again: “I lost my virginity, I got into fights, I cried, I laughed. It was the best thing in the world to feel things again. And I get depressed still but I would rather learn to figure it out myself rather be dependant on meds, ever.”
While still working to maintain her mental health, the 23-year-old now seems to be happier than ever before as last week she revealed to British Vogue that she is “completely in love” with her singer-songwriter girlfriend St Vincent.
We hope Cara continues to share her story and that she can remain positive into the future.
