SHEmazing! blog feature: One girl’s journey through teen depression

Whether directly or indirectly, we've all been touched by mental illness at some point in our lives, and while most of us hope to remove the stigma attached to various conditions, there is no doubt that it's an ongoing battle.

Raising awareness of conditions which can affect any one of us regardless of age, background or education, is something we here at SHEmazing! are keen to get behind.

Rachel Martin, founder of The Insider Daily blog, has given a voice to all those who are struggling with depression by offering a moving insight into her own experience of the illness.

Take a read…

Everybody’s experience of depression is different, and people find help in different ways. At fourteen years old, I’d completely given up hope. I was at my lowest point and couldn’t seem to pick myself up. At that age, it would have never crossed my mind that these feelings were caused by depression.

I’ll start off by telling you a little bit about the group of girls that tormented me for so many years. These bullies were clever, they kept school attacks to scare tactics and harsh words. Outside of school and if they happened to bump into me, things would get more physical.

I was plagued by hate pages made about me on social media accounts. Every time one was reported and deleted, another one would reappear. I spent weeks eating lunch in a room on my own, the schools solution to keeping me out of their way.

After years of bullying, my depression and anxiety crippled me. I barely slept at night, I spent most of my time on my own and I made up any excuse not to go to school. I presumed these feelings and suicidal thoughts were normal for a 14-year-old. After all, how much does a teenager really know about depression? I couldn’t tell you how many times I thought about ending it all.

One of these attempts led me to the hospital alongside my mam and grandmother. I’ve never had the best memory but there are some things you never forget. 

I remember the look of my mam’s face and the feeling that I was breaking her heart. After this, I started working on overcoming my depression through counselling, talking through things and changing parts of my life.

I decided that I wanted to stay in school, after all I was still a teenager who wanted to see her friends. On my first day back two of the bullies came looking for me, by that stage it didn’t take much for me to start crying.

I remember one of the girls laughing and saying ‘What are you gonna do, go and kill yourself?’ My mother collected me on a half-day and I never looked back. I started a new school the following year and met some friends that I know will be my good friends for life.

Over the next few years, my family became the greatest support network I could ask for. Someone was always on hand if I was feeling down. Whether it was a long chat, a trip to the cinema or going to a concert, these little things kept my mind strong.

I didn’t always need someone to talk too, sometimes I needed someone to just say ‘let’s go do something fun!’ and I would instantly start to feel better. I’ll always be grateful for everything they did for me

Overcoming depression isn’t something that happens overnight, I spent years building myself up. Those years were filled with tears, counsellors and plenty of bad days when I didn’t feel like I could face the world.

Every once in a while I start to feel a little down but I know now that it will pass. I can recognise the difference between feeling sad, hormonal or depressed and I know when I need to talk to someone about it.

Someone once asked me if I could change something about my past what would it be. I smiled and said ‘nothing’ because everything that has happened has shaped me into the person I am. After all these years I’ve spent rebuilding my confidence, I’m proud of the person I’ve become!

To hear more from Rachel, check out her blog here.

If you or someone you know needs to talk, Samaritans Ireland have a 24-hour service which you can free call on 116 123