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She’s not always ‘scary skinny’: This is the reality of disordered eating

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For anyone with direct experience of disordered eating, they will know that the media's portrayal of the various conditions aren't always an accurate reflection of the lived reality.

But for many of us whose understanding of anorexia and bulimia is born of book, movies and TV shows, it might come as a surprise to learn that a person living with an eating disorder may look no different to anyone else in our social group.

Indeed, they may spend years battling an illness – symptoms of which are invisible to their friends and family.

Making it her mission to remind the public of this, body-positive Instagram user, Carissa Seligman, shared a splitscreen shot of herself in an effort to highlight the misunderstanding around eating disorders.

 

The girl with the eating disorder isn't always the one who looks "scary skinny." In fact, she may not even be the thinnest in the room. But what you see on the outside doesn't always translate to what is going on inside. . . The minute I saw the photo on the left I said "oh, that was me after my eating disorder." Well that's not true. That's not even kind of true. Yes, this picture was taken AFTER I started eating again… probably the year after… but I was very much IN my eating disorder. I had gone through a 4ish month period of starving myself and surviving solely on caffeine and crackers. Then, I started eating again and could. not. stop. I felt awful. None of the things that spurred my starvation period had been solved, discovered, or discussed and I began to use food to fill a hole. So not only was I unhappy without really knowing it, BUT I was gaining weight which at the time was my worst nightmare. And I was doing anything I could to lose it again. . . I wish I could tell you that I solved it; that I found a solution and started to look and feel great VERY quickly… but that's just not true. The photo on the left was taken in 2005. Up until 2016, I was trying to get back to the weight I was during my 4 month starvation period. 11 YEARS! 11 years of having a terrible relationship with food, my body, and my mind. But it isn't like that now! I FINALLY started to develop a healthy relationship with food, which is why i wrote this. Because I really hope it doesn't take you 11 years to start to feel better. . . In 2016, a few things happened. I got serious about my career and realized that I was good at what I did. Having that, contributed to my self worth and self esteem. I stopped drinking and using alcohol as a bandaid. I was finally free to find things that brought me joy. I got back to moving, getting stronger, & feeling better. Food became an ally in my life. And now, here I am feeling and looking better than I ever have. AND I'M SO VERY GRATEFUL. . . Self love is WORK. I wish I could tell you otherwise, but I can't. There's no quick fix or simple solution. The inside has to be good before the outside will be anything you can love.

A post shared by Carissa S (@carissasweatstagram) on

"The girl with the eating disorder isn't always the one who looks "scary skinny." In fact, she may not even be the thinnest in the room," she began in a post which has been liked 2,000 times.

"But what you see on the outside doesn't always translate to what is going on inside. The minute I saw the photo on the left I said "oh, that was me after my eating disorder." Well that's not true. That's not even kind of true."

Turning her attention to the photo she uploaded, Carissa, whose Instagram page now focuses on healthy eating and fitness regimes, wrote: "Yes, this picture was taken AFTER I started eating again… probably the year after… but I was very much IN my eating disorder."

"I had gone through a 4ish month period of starving myself and surviving solely on caffeine and crackers. Then, I started eating again and could. not. stop. I felt awful. None of the things that spurred my starvation period had been solved, discovered, or discussed and I began to use food to fill a hole."

Giving her followers an insight into the emotional turmoil she endured during this time, she admitted that a quick-fix was not something she landed upon.

"So not only was I unhappy without really knowing it, BUT I was gaining weight which at the time was my worst nightmare. And I was doing anything I could to lose it again. I wish I could tell you that I solved it; that I found a solution and started to look and feel great VERY quickly… but that's just not true."

"The photo on the left was taken in 2005. Up until 2016, I was trying to get back to the weight I was during my 4 month starvation period."

Hammering home the poignancy of her mission at the time, Carissa continued: "11 YEARS! 11 years of having a terrible relationship with food, my body, and my mind."

"But it isn't like that now! I FINALLY started to develop a healthy relationship with food, which is why I wrote this. Because I really hope it doesn't take you 11 years to start to feel better."

"In 2016, a few things happened. I got serious about my career and realized that I was good at what I did. Having that, contributed to my self worth and self esteem. I stopped drinking and using alcohol as a band aid."

 

I share some dark, personal, ugly stuff on this page. I think it's therapeutic for me… soooo here we go … This is a difficult story to say briefly because alcohol played one of the main characters in my story for most of my 20s. We had a BAD relationship, but I didn't acknowledge that for a long time. There was a tailgate, or a party, or a break up, or the wrong kind of alcohol, or the RIGHT kind of alcohol… you get it… there was always an excuse. I wish I could tell you every detail, but IG wouldn't allow it and my lil fingers would probably break off before I finished typing … . . So let me tell you the state of things in the photo on the left. I drank everyday; wine on weeknights because you know that's "classy" and "grown up" and "normal." I drank who knows what on weekends. I also had started following the BBG program so I was working out 5 days/week. Some mornings I was hungover. Some days I just couldn't make it happen… but I was actually pretty consistent. Unfortunately, I was calorie counting and saving about 800/ day for wine yup, those sugar calories made up half my daily intakeNeedless to say, I didn't feel awesome and what I was doing was in no way shape or form maintainable… or healthy. My body finally said "no more!" And my brain had no choice but to listen. . . In the photo on the right, I have not had a sip of alcohol in 15+ months. It was a BIG adjustment as first: nervous energy, difficulty sitting still, MASSIVE sugar cravings …. those were new things I learned to deal with or work through. But I got so much more than I gave up. I learned what does feel good for my body. I found balance and motivation and positivity in a whole new lifestyle and community. I can go to a bar and just enjoy being around the people I'm with… but alcohol is no longer part of my storyline. . . Maybe it's not alcohol… maybe something else is holding you back from the thing or the life you want most. What is it? Can you get rid of it? Will you? Why don't you?

A post shared by Carissa S (@carissasweatstagram) on

"I was finally free to find things that brought me joy. I got back to moving, getting stronger, & feeling better. Food became an ally in my life. And now, here I am feeling and looking better than I ever have. AND I'M SO VERY GRATEFUL."

Reaching out to anyone who is currently in a similar position, Carissa admits the journey back to health is far from easy, but undeniably worth it.

"Self love is WORK. I wish I could tell you otherwise, but I can't. There's no quick fix or simple solution. The inside has to be good before the outside will be anything you can love."

The post has been inundated with comments from followers paying tribute to Carissa's courage and honesty before offering an insight into their own experiences.

"Thank you for posting this. I suffer from Anorexia and am slowly recovering," wrote one social media user.

"I don't "look" like it though…and a lot of people are like "why don't you just eat more?" When…they don't get it because I don't "look" sick enough. I'm still battling with food and my relationship with it, but this was inspiring to see. I'm glad I did."

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