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Men constantly complain about how complicated women are. The fact of the matter is, we’re really not. In fact, most of the time we’re fairly easy to decode, understand and please, you’re probably just not totally sure what’s going on in our minds. So, to help you, here is a list of things we say that are definitely lies.

1. “I’m Fine”

tumblr_mmp6soGieL1spaaixo1_500 (1)Ooh, she is 100% NOT fine!

2. “No Presents Please… It’s grand”

tumblr_mxz1k1ezUJ1stgrfzo1_400For the love of humanity, get the girl a present!

3. Oh these legs, nah they’re just naturally this smooth and shiny.”

tumblr_mo9smavzxw1rijmvyo1_500 LIES, IT’S ALL LIES. We did not just wake up with legs that could feature on a Gillette Venus ad. It’s tough maintenance, sometimes painful, always annoying.

4. “I’ve absolutely no make up on”

tumblr_n46x9o6Vzt1qac1soo2_500If we didn’t, you would know.

5. “No, I Don’t Creep On Other Men..ever”

tumblr_n48wzga8cD1t70ckxo9_r1_250Just like you don’t creep on any other women..oh wait.

6. “I’m not drunk…”

tumblr_mfvexeka8W1ra8b8oo1_500Sometimes I LIKE sleeping on the bathroom floor, gotta problem with that?

7. “Penneys, €5”

tumblr_m9894iiQbY1rxdvy7o1_400This one might be true, or it could have been 120 euro in Topshop.

8. “I’m not into gossip”

tumblr_n14rkuvHWM1qk08n1o1_500…But did you HEAR about Mary?!

9. “My dad really likes you”

tumblr_n2cb69cjPo1tqs1heo1_500Nope.

10. “I’m OK”

tumblr_inline_n30nycAhR61s778dpSee number one.

11.  “There’s nothing I’d change about you..”

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Except maybe the hair, clothes…and the laugh can go too.

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1. You’re seriously considering dropping out and doing something- ANYTHING- that breaks the mundane routine of trudging into lectures in the lashing rain that feels more like a fully clothed shower than ‘light drizzle’ as predicted by RTE.

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2. After weeks and weeks of having nothing to do, just idly strolling around campus and chatting with friends, you suddenly have the week of doom where EVERYTHING in your various modules are due the SAME WEEK.

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3. Remember all those assignments you were told all those weeks ago? Back in… week 2? You know… the ones that wouldn’t take that long and you had plenty of time to start them so you didn’t? Yeah… turns out you completely misjudged the level of work that’s required and oh, look at that. It’s due tomorrow. Happy days.

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4. The sun appears, and with it a heat that would rival that of an African desert, coming out of its once seemingly eternal hibernation, reminding us all that there’s meaning to life. Cue lobster faced ladies and scorched farmer tans.

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5. Just when you’re panicking about all the work you’ve yet to do, all it takes is one glance at your newsfeed and the gloomy pictures of highlighted notes and stacks of textbooks and this sudden serenity settles over you that at least you aren’t doing the Leaving Cert again. College is way easier.

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6. Instead of studying the inverted pyramid or Brecht’s Theatre, you’re planning all these fantastic things to do during the summer. Things like bike riding in Dingle, camping out in Spiddal, breathing in the fresh air at the Cliffs of Moher, volunteering for the local newspaper, strolling down a Parisian boulevard, running for president… things you’ve absolutely no intention of keeping.

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7. You don’t even care what’s in the fridge in your student accommodation. Long gone are your healthy eating days. You’ll probably just order a takeaway anyways. Sure, you’ll start your bikini diet once the exams are finished, right? Well…

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8. You promised yourself that Easter would be THE time, YOUR time, to get all your work done so that you’d breathe easy during your last week of continual assessments. But somehow, and you’re not sure how, you ended up munching through three tonnes of chocolate and a barrel of vodka and weren’t really fit to do anything except lounge around on the couch until the sugar coma ended. Which was, coincidentally, on the bus down to college.

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9. Summer is so close you can almost smell the stench of factor fifty suncream, so who really cares if you miss the odd assessment?

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It’s that time of year again! When the temperature can be described as mild and the sun peeks from behind the clouds for a few days. So what do we Irish do?

1. Go for a drink
Seems to be the typical Irish response to most things, but if it’s sunny outside you’re bound to hear “it’s drinking weather” or “few pints?” at some stage. Similarly to when it’s snowing outside when you’ll hear “it’s drinking weather” and “few hot whiskies?”

This, my friend, is a pint2. Wear less clothes
Finally you can actually leave the house WITHOUT A COAT. If you’re a young wan you’ll probably go out without most of your trousers too as you pull out the short shorts after a  disproving lecture from your mother. You better not forget the umbrella though, let’s not kid ourselves: we’re still in Ireland.

hot pants3. Get a 99
Sure we couldn’t be out enjoying the sun splitting the stones without a 99?? HA??!!

99 cone4. Buy new sunglasses
The temperature is tipping 8 degrees. It’s OK everyone, we have our new sunglasses. Can we get a selfie?

Sunglasses gif5. Go for another drink
“We didn’t take a selfie the first time. Plus I’m only wearing my sunglasses now. You didn’t check us in on Facebook the first time either?”

selfies gif6. Go to the beach
It’s sunny this week so it means this could be our week of summer arriving early. No time to waste then, we have a lot to squeeze in. Better head to the beach pronto, those bikini photos won’t take themselves. Plus that’s another place we can drink.

irish girl sunbathing7. Wear sunscreen
It’s barely hot but after the fifth phone call about your “fair skin” from your mother you relented and put on the factor 50. Now it feels like it’s approximately one million degrees outside and you’re sticking to everything in sight.

auto-3350638. Apply Fake Tan
The sun came out today. So logically everyone must be tanned today. Thank God it comes in a bottle. What’s that you say? You tan naturally? You don’t belong here.

fake tan gif9. Put the washing out on the line
There’s great drying in that weather. Sure aren’t we only delighted?

weather woman10. Get sunburnt
You’re the one who didn’t listen to your mother about the factor 50. Now you get to listen to your friends instead as they take the piss out of your beautiful beetroot complexion which really compliments your ginger hair.

 

 

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If you’ve worked in retail for any amount of time you’ve probably developed a smoking habit, cynical attitude and lost hope in humanity.

Dealing with rude customers, annoying managers, and endless shifts all for minimum wage should be recognised as a crime.

These are the things that every retail worker has had to endure in their time.

1. Being expected to stop thieves
You work on the register or in the stock room, but somehow you’re also expected to tackle a 6″5′ fleeing thief. Hire a security guard for Christ’s sake, that’s not in your job description.

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2. Customers throwing money on the counter rather than placing it in your outstretched hand.
There is nothing more infuriating than this ignorant a**hole! Clearly seeing your hand waiting to accept the money, they drop their change on the counter and expect you to pick it up, one coin at a time.

f3. When you have to tell a customer their card is declined
The awkward face EVERY retail worker makes at this moment.

468750664. Customers making a mess
You sometimes feel like they are doing this purely to piss you off!

giphy5. Rude customers
There is nothing worse than having to deal with an ignorant customer, struggling maintain that fake smile on your face.

22jCQ276. Customers letting their kids run wild and free
If you must go shopping with your complete family, for the love of God, please don’t bring them all up to the register to pay. Believe it or not, only one person is needed for this mighty task.

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7. Dealing with “cute” couple fights over who is paying.
Just give me the money. Go enact your strange financial foreplay somewhere else.

giphy8. Wandering off in the middle of a transaction
Someone sees cousin Mary enter the store and leaves during the transaction to catch up on the last thirty years.

giphy9. Customers blaming you for stuff out of your control
Someone freaks out at you because the price isn’t what it says on the label. They seem to feel like your job is also to MAKE the prices, but this is actually not the case. Find someone else to take out your frustration of being overcharged €2 on.

544239_348765011900240_436290346_n10. The fake laugh and smile you’ve mastered
Everybody has their fake retail smile. It gets harder and harder to maintain the longer you work there!

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11. People paying you with a mountain of change
Yes, we don’t mind taking your change but within bloody reason. We don’t want to count 2000 1c coins when there’s a queue of 10 people behind you!

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12. The Customer is almost NEVER right!
Vehemently arguing that a product is overpriced, only for us to show you that you were actually looking at the completely wrong label, or you hadn’t realised that the price was in EURO, not pound sterling!

giphy13. You and your friends work completely different shifts
The little fun you used to have in work has been taken away from you by your manager. Now you’re stuck working with the employees your least compatible with, in order to ensure you’re never happy at work.

giphy14. “Can I pay part card/part cash?”
WHY do you have to be so awkward? You really shouldn’t have to divide up a subtotal of €15 by cash and card.

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15. Customers who move at an obnoxiously slow pace when there is a massive queue behind them
Anybody who moves THAT slow clearly is doing it on purpose. I don’t care how old you are. Shift it sister!

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16. A half hour break is simply not enough for the hell you have to put up with each day
Time doesn’t seem to apply during working hours. 30 minutes break is a totally different amount of time than 30 minutes on the register.

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17. You agree to cover someone’s shift and immediately wish you could go back in time to change your decision
“Why did I just do that?” The worst part is that the other person never returns the favour.

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18. A customer has mistaken you for a qualified therapist
We don’t want to hear about your life struggles at 5pm on a Tuesday evening. Just take your purchases and head for the exit please.

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19. People entering the shop and meandering around the store at closing time!
Are these people actually serious? Despite what they might think, we actually do have other things to do and would like to leave when our shift ends. If you want to wander aimlessly around the store at closing time, please pay me extra for allowing you to do do.

tumblr_mmwl07l8gx1rt9ukxo1_50020. Trying to text without your boss seeing you
Texting your friends under the register that you’ll need them to pick you up a copious amount of alcohol to forget about your job for the briefest of moments, without your boss catching you.

anigif_enhanced-buzz-11572-1381172380-921. Having to deal with drunk or high customers
The worst of the worst. Slurring their words and gazing hopelessly into your eyes. The stink of alcohol pouring into your nostrils as you try your best to deal with their dire antics.

giphy22. Telling a customer that there is in fact a queue in your store
Yes, there is actually a line that you must enter, not just burst your way to the head of the register. And then they get pissy with you for telling them nicely.

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23. The terribly annoying retail jokes that we hear ALL the time
You’ll immediately recognise these. “Do you take cash?” Haha good one! Yes, we do actually accept cash… Now hand it over.

giphy24. Infuriating “witty” retorts from customers
when an item doesn’t scan: “It must be free.” Or even worse. You’ve endured a 3 hour blitz of customers and are enjoying your first sip of water and the temporary silence, when you here: “Oh you must need something to do?!”

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25. You’re not above breaking your phone in order to avoid being called into work on your day off
You’ve thought about it. Either turning your phone off or pinging it off a wall because you just give up. Nothing is worse than going into that place on your day off.

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26. Your outlook on life has completely changed after working in retail
You’ve developed a cynical attitude and your hope for humanity is completely drained.

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The mammy in the friend group has a serious amount of sh** to deal with, if you do most of these things then it’s probably you…

1. You’re enthusiastic about EVERYTHING
Being the mummy of the group is all about the enthusiasm. Whenever a friend says things like  I got a new job/ boyfriend/ apartment, they will be met with an excited scream of OH MY GOD that is so GREAT, I’m soooo EXCITED for you- AHHHHH!!

emma-stone-excited2. Your handbag contains every item known to man
Your handbag has enough supplies for any situation that could possibly occur: food, make-up, wet wipes, hand sanitizer, 5 shades of lipstick, safety pins and a mini toothbrush…

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 3. You know your tea
The mom of the group knows how everyone drinks their tea and can literally remember who takes half a spoon of sugar or who doesn’t take milk..

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 4.  You’re fierce
Nobody messes with your friends- if anyone does they can expect a serious talking to. You don’t want to get on this girl’s bad side.

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 5. You’re responsible for the Saturday night round up
Rounding everyone up on a Saturday night can be hell. John wants to go to supermax, Eva will only to to Eddie rockers, Siobhan is sitting outside crying and Dean is shifting the face of some young one in the smokers area. It’s the mum of the group’s  job to get everyone in a taxi and back home.

giphy-26. Snacks are your forte
Moms of the group always make sure no one else is hungry. When anyone comes over there is chocolate, crisps and popcorn. Hungry guests are a mom’s worst enemy.  You got this!

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 7. You’re in charge of drunk naps
The mum of the group always puts everyone to bed after a night out, she also puts drunky Niamh in the recovery position.

giphy-68. You’re a die hard listener
You’ve heard your best friend go through every little detail of her past break up about 75 times and yet you still listen to her. As the mum of the group you are always listening to everyone else’s problems because you give the best advice.

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 9. You always know the best words of encouragement
The mum of the group never loses her endearing sense of optimism. She’s the one who sends you little encouraging texts and messages and says things like  “Of course you don’t look fat” “You are DEFO going to pass that exam” “He’s an idiot not to like you”.

britneycriesandclaps_zpsb6e2e7b710. You get asked to do the dogs work
“Can you help me with my drivers licence form?”, “How do I do my tax back?”, “Will you come with me to get an STD check?” All questions you hear frequently.

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Let’s face it, for the first two years of college, usually when you’re like 18-20,  you have F-all worries! I mean you can go drinking with little to no money, usually working a couple of days a week in the local is enough to get by and that’s fine.

But once you hit 21, things start to change. Drastically. Here are 15 things you should know about money in your 20s.

1. If you’re not spending it, you’re thinking about it.

1253527972_money2. You’ll never feel like you have enough

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 3. A few of your friends will be earning twice as much as you and  it will make you feel like a failure

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 4. Thanks to wealthy family, some will never have to worry about a single penny (try not to be resentful)

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 5. Besides, you’ll find that most people you are in the same boat as you

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 6. You’ll learn that’s it’s better to save up a bit and spend BIG

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7. Always do a big food shop, don’t get your lunch from Starbucks

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 8. Buy the basics, you don’t need organic corn fed quail eggs…

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 9.  You can’t afford to do rounds of drinks…so don’t offer

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 10. Especially if your mates are on the trebles and you’re on the pints

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11. You absolutely hate direct debits

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12. Your overdraft is NOT your friend. Pay that shit off as soon as you can and never go there again

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 13. Taxes are the most confusing things in the world especially if you’re self-employed, but it’s important to figure them out

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14. Talking to your boss about your salary will always be awkward – just get it over with!

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15. It’s good to be a bit of a Monica Geller about your spendings

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We’ve all met these people at least once on a night out at home, at Christmas or on the holidays, they will be there. In the club. Waiting for you.

1. The friend you haven’t seen for years.
You used to hang out with this person all the time, and as life progressed you slowly drift apart, when all of a sudden you’re holding their hair for them as they vomit or you’re dragging them away from a scrap, you begin realising why you stopped hanging out with them.

Friend_hug2.The ”one that got away”
We all have this person in our lives, that guy/gal who you were obsessed with for years, who you slowly became friends with and you know they’ll always be the one that got away.

3.The Douche from secondary school you hated.
God this ones a douchebag, I mean seriously, why do people like this guy.

 4.The distant relative
They’re your seventh cousin on your step-grandfather’s side twice removed, but they’re still family.

5.That one kid who never used to go out.
Holy s**t this kids out, what the hell, they never used to go out and now they’ve got a beer belly, damn uni changes people.

6.That guy/girl who never has their own cigarettes.
”Hey mate can you bum me a smoke?” Dear jesus they can afford to spend all that money on drink and they can’t buy a lousy pack of smokes?

7.That Guy/Girl who’s always Minesweeping drinks.
Crafty little b*****d, how the hell do they do it? You hate them for doing it but you secretly wish you could do it without being caught.

steal8.That guy/girl who’s minted
Buying drinks for everyone, five packets of smokes in their pocket, best clothes on all the time, brand new shoes, nice for some eh?

10.That Guy
Yeah that guy…

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Jennifer Lawrence may think people will eventually get sick of her – but with antics like this, we doubt it!

Jennifer and boyfriend, Nicholas Hoult were at the premier for their upcoming movie, X-Men: Days Of Future Past, when Jennifer appeared to hijack her boyfriend’s photos.

It appears that the actor was trying to take photos with his fans when his girlfriend pulled some rather hilarious faces for the pose.

We’re sure he didn’t mind too much, and we definitely don’t think the fans minded!

Love is, eh?

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It’s that time of year again folks.

The sun is shining, children are playing and students are finishing exams in anticipation of another fantastic summer!

There is one section of Irish society that everybody simultaneously pities and laughs at, and we’ve all been there. The Leaving Certificate seems a distant memory now, but remember how you felt during yours? It was an unhappy time for all.

Here are our worst memories from the Leaving Cert.

1. Little children laughing hysterically outside your window.
Trying to cram the final few Shakespeare quotes into your head, while the kids on your road boot a ball off your garden wall and you think that they’re conspiring against you with their over-the-top laughing.

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 2. Studying in the best weather the country has seen all year.
The sunlight beams into your room when you’re studying and penetrates the exam hall during your LC subjects.

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 3. Having a meltdown the day before
Doing all the preparation you can physically muster, only to clasp your hands to your head, grit your teeth and have a private nervous breakdown now that you’ve realised that your time has come.

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 4. Highlighting 95% of the words in your study notes.
“If I highlight these words, I’ll remember them easier.” Yeah, but it doesn’t work if you highlight the whole page.

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 5. Shooting a look of disgust at anyone who asks for more paper.
“Please sir, may I have some more?” A simultaneous rendition of rolling eyes, loud sighs and ignorant tutting echoes around the exam hall. “Tosser.”

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 6. Banging your head against the desk because nothing is going in.
You have done it at least a couple of times. Whether you’re studying alone in your room or trying to remember something from two weeks ago while in your exam.

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 7. Trying to fit your prepared English essay into a totally irrelevant question.
Why do all the questions you prepare for fail to appear on the exam paper?! You prepared one essay and are determined to fit that into the exam question, whether it makes sense or not!

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 8. The cool dude in every school who leaves 30 minutes into the exam
It’s half past 9. Queue the cool guy who sat there for 30 minutes chewing on his pen. He hands an empty sheet of paper to the examiner and struts his way as slow and  loudly as possible to the exit door with a cigarette in his mouth.

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 9. “Leigh anois go curamach ar do scrudphaipear na treoracha agus na ceisteanna a ghabhan le cuid A.” Beeeeeeeeeee
The most irritating noise any student will ever hear. And why is EVERYONE called Máire and Sean Óg? We get it, “as Gaeilge.”

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 10. Your hand feeling like it’s about to fall off.
After completing paper two in your English exam, your hand feels like it has given up. Blue ink mashed down the side of your hand, and it struggles to put your pens back into your pencil case. It looks like it’s for the bin.

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 11. All your friends are out celebrating while you stay in and study for chemistry next Friday.
“Why ME?” The question springs to mind. Because you picked an awkward subject and strayed away from the pack. And now you’re paying the price.

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 12. Finishing early and giving up in your last exam.
“What’s the point anymore?” You don’t care, you give up. You’ve had enough. You beckon the examiner over with a sharp whistle and leave the exam hall behind forever. You’re finally done – where’s the offy?

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Guaranteed to solve all your troubles!

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Okay, we say the WORST, but we do realise things could be much, much more awful. Nevertheless, these things really grind our gears.

1. Wet Nail Varnish

Waiting patiently for them to dry while you sit there and feel totally helpless, realising that your phone is in your pocket, reaching in to get it and BAM. Your nails are RUINED! Now we have to get the remover out and we can’t find the remover. Typical.

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2. Bare legs on a cold seat

It’s very difficult to hide that face when a group of you goes to sit down at a table and the chair you sit on is FREEZING. It sends a shiver all over your body, and not a good one.

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3. Hair Bobbin Snapping

This usually happens when you’re in a bad mood. Now, whether that’s just the cruel bitch that is the universe at work, or the fact that you’re handling it more aggressively than you perhaps should be, we’ll never know.  What we do know is that it’s super annoying and almost painful. It’s usually followed by flinging said broken hair bobbin as far as it will go while calling it something as offensive.

ARGH

4. Wearing Mascara

We could say that mascara running is the worst, but actually wearing it is pretty bad as well. When you’re tired, you can’t rub your eyes. If you’re walking in a cold wind, it’s more than likely all over your face by the time you reach your destination. Wearing mascara, while it makes a massive difference to your face, in fairness, it’s just the worst.

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5. When your bra straps are too long

It’s like little creatures sneak into your room at night and readjust your bra so that the following day your boobs are all over the shop. The worst part about this situation is that you usually have to ask someone to fix them for you. It’s a pretty intimate thing, probably the most action you get for weeks and yet it’s from a random girl in work. Forever alone.

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6. Tampon Transportation

To this day, I still don’t know why tampons have to look like something you stick on your bike to be seen better at night. Why can’t they just be black? This way, when you’re trying to sneak one up your sleeve before you go to the toilet, the whole room can’t see it beaming out of your bag.

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7. Hair in lipgloss

You look great, your make up went on right, your outfit is fab, you step outside to get your taxi and you get a mouth full of hair. Hair doesn’t just stick to the lipgloss, the lipgloss actually has very strong forces at work that attracts the hair, sucking it in like a jellyfish. Yell out ‘Noooo’ all you like, it’ll only attract more hair.

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8. Untangling Jewellery

Okay, so it’s probably our own fault for not having one of those jewellery separator things that all organised girls seem to have. When you’re just about to walk out the door and you reach into that little box for your favourite Topshop necklace and then… Rage. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN. Men get pissy when they have to do the Christmas lights. Lads, we have to do this daily.

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Oprah has released her first ever audition tape that was recorded in 1983.

The star looks just as young as she does today – how does that work?

We can see why she landed her first big job – can you?

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