26 thoughts every girl has getting ready for a night out

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Apr 2, 2014

We all know the pain of getting ready for a night out, what will you wear? Where is your favourite dress? Didn’t you wear that last weekend? How will you wear your hair? Where are your extnesions? Oh Goddddd!!

1. “Ughhhhhhhh, it’s 5 o’clock. Two hours until I have to start getting ready. I should really wash my hair. Nahhh I don’t need to wash my hair I’ll chill here for two hours then I’ll start.”

2. “Oh God I hate the Kardashians”

3. “Why aren’t I a Kardashian???”

4. “Okay time to get ready!”

5. “I’ll start brushing my hair – Oh shit it is so greasy! Why didn’t I have a shower!”

6. “I’ll get the dry shampoo….where is it?…ah whatever I’ll get the talc. Where is the talc?”

7. “WHERE IS THE TALC????”

8. “Okay I need to calm down…I’ll get the scissors and cut it open. There will be something in it!”

9. “I now look like i have grey hair…whatever..moving on”

10. “Ah shit…I forgot to do my bloody tan..time for some Sun Shimmer”

11. “MAKE UPP TIMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE (sang in a loud out of tune vocal)”

12. “Let’s plug in the iPod and select ‘Getting Ready’ playlist..yeah not my first time ladies”

13. “I’ve got a pocket got a pocket full of sunshine…oh….oh oh oh”

14. “Moisturize, primer and foundation pleaseeeee”

15. “Going to put on as much foundation as humanly possible”

16. “Eye makeup…let me put on a tutorial…”Angelina Jolie eyeshadow”..there we go…ah shit”

17. “Look nothing like her but what can you do…(phone rings)…I can’t talk”

18. “Ohhhh what’s on the telly, I’ll just sit down till the next break…(half an hour later) NOOOO”

18. “I love this white dress…great…it is covered in tan…where is my top? MUM WHERE IS MY TOP?”

19. ” I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO WEAR???? AHHHHHHHHH”

20. “My lift is on the way crap, crap, CRAP”

21. “Yeah I’ll be down in a sec..(15 minutes later)…sorry two secs…”

22. “I.D, makeup, phone, money, card…DRINK”

23. “Oh I look like shit… (pouts in mirror)..whatever”

24. “I can’t walk in these heels why do I wear them? Whyyy?”

25. “(arrive at pre drinks) Ugh don’t look at me I look like absolute crap”

26. “(1 hour later while intoxicated) I look amazing! Going to get the shift tonight….YEAHHHHHH”

via our content partners CT

34 things to do when the internet goes down

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Apr 1, 2014

by Amber Saunders

1. Turn the ‘wireless connection’ on your laptop on and off five times

2. Restart the modem

3. Restart the wireless router

4. Restart your computer

5. Repeat steps 1-4 twice

6. Why is the wireless still connected on your phone?

7. Restart the router

8. Decide to watch Netflix instead

9. Remember you need Internet for Netflix

10. Check to see if there’s any Internet you can steal

11. Try “0000” as a password for all the available WiFis

12. Try “password” as a password for all the available WiFis

13. Restart your computer

14. Open iTunes

15. Go to the iTunes store

16. (Doesn’t work)

17. Decide this is The Time You Will Finally Do That Thing You’ve Been Meaning to Do

18. Realize you can’t do that thing without the Internet to get you started

19. Restart your computer

20. Restart the router

21. Check the lights on the internet thingies

22. See if maybe Safari works

23. Turn off computer

24. Call your provider and listen to them say that it’s alright on their ‘end’

25. Decide that it’s time for an early lunch/dinner

26. Maybe try and read a book

27. Consider going out for drinks

28. Text three friends asking if they’re going out

29. When they all say yes, realize you have no desire to go out and tell them all never mind

30. Turn back on your computer

31. Repeat steps 1-4 again

32. Attempt to use your phone as a hotspot

33. Throw laptop against the wall.

34. Attempt to piece together your laptop after the internet comes back

via our content parners CT

Relationship texting fails

Relationships

Apr 1, 2014

by Amber Saunders

We dare you not to laugh reading these.

1. No, Lucy!

2. The only guy…

3. You’re fat, honey

4. Guess someone’s not a fan of Cole.

5. The February 30th burn

5.

27 times an English translator failed miserably

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Mar 31, 2014

by Amber Saunders

It’s hard to believe that these signs actually passed some semblance of quality control, but… they did.

1. I hate all of you…

2. Well which is it dammit… a walk or a run

3. Fluent, clearly

4. Those slippery crafty bastards…

5. Google translate… Safe search off.

6. Thank you I will

7. Too… Many… Fails…

8. Ah, the old bitch fest, eh?

9. Visiting?

10. That’s so kind of you!

11. Ask the security guards, they’ll let you know

12. No kids, don’t!

13. In what now?

14. Just take it somewhere else alright!

15. Warning, party in my pants

17. Hermaphrodite

18. Just calm down…

19. Fresh?!

20. Makes sense

21. I’d like to report myself lost/stolen please

22. Wise words from Shakespearean time

23. Face to palm

24. We’ll just wait here till it’s finished so

25. Yeah!

26. Tripping balls

27. No jokes, thanks

via our content parnters CT

17 reasons to assume you’re a terrible dancer

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Mar 28, 2014

by Amber Saunders

1. The first hour in the club is the worst because you have to dance sober.

Which means you are still highly aware of every move you make.

2. A cute person comes to dance with you and you don’t know what to do.

Can’t we just make out already?

3. You copy the dance moves of the person next to you.

4. You only have one move and you stick to it no matter what kind of music is on.

5. Then they play a popular song and your friends are killing it on the dancefloor, making it more obvious that you are not.

6. The DJ suddenly changes the music just when you had a dance figured out.

7. A song comes up that has a standard dance to it, and you are so grateful.

8. When your friends give you advice on how to dance in the middle of the club.

So everybody can see that you are an idiot.

9. When you have no sense of rhythm. None.

10. When you confirm all stereotypes.

11. When there is a new dance hype but you just can’t make your body do it.

12. Same goes for workouts that involve dancing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YSg0RPuGsuE

13. Whenever there is a mirror involved you have to stop dancing because it is too painful to watch.

14. When it’s quiet on the dancefloor and you feel like everybody is watching you.

15. But then the drinks kick in and you start to feel the rhythm…

16. And suddenly you are one of the best dancers you ever met.

So naturally you’re gonna dance on tables and act like a hip-hop star.

17. Until the next day, when your friends are still laughing at you.

via our content partner CT

Viral: Builders with manners

Mar 27, 2014

by Amber Saunders

What happens when builders aren’t themselves?

Old stars come to life

Mar 25, 2014

by Amber Saunders

Is this the greatest TV commercial ever?

15 situations you really need to be drunk for

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Mar 25, 2014

by Amber Saunders

1. Walking in heels
Men out there may not know this, but, women can generally walk better in heels when drunk. Heels make your legs look amazing, so, ever wondered why we don’t wear the sky scrappers during the day? It is because they cause a lot of pain. But, when vodka hits our lips, we can strut down Harcourt street like we’re at London Fashion Week.

2. Singing karaoke
You’re probably thinking you would definitely do this sober but you really wouldn’t. Not properly. The courage and momentum drink supplies us with can make a terrible singer stand up and sing a Whitney Houston track like the woman herself. In our drunk memory, of course.

3. Slutty Dancing
It is hard to watch and if you could look back on it you would die.

4. Wearing oversized glasses and clothing
When you find items on a night out that are definitely from the joke shop, they’re like gold dust. You take those oversized glasses and you put them on like they’re the world’s greatest treasure. Then, you refuse to take them off for the rest of the night.

5. Deep meaningful conversations
You wouldn’t get into half as many DMC’s on a night out if you removed alcohol from the situation. Talking about your emotions and feelings is not the way to fill an evening on the tiles, but it can be therapeutic and also the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Or not.

6. Doing the splits
Remember one must be classically trained in this sort of thing or it will end very badly.

7. Sleeping in odd places
Under a table, in a wardrobe, in the hot press, – weird stuff can happen when you have had the one too many.

8. Going to the toilet with someone you only sort of know
If you were sober and shopping in the Ilac centre and some random girl you’ve met twice, but know from Facebook stalking, came up to you and asked if you could share a toilet, it would be very strange and awkward. But drunk? Hell yes I will!

9. Writing bitchy Facebook mails/texts/emails
Writing an offensive message to anyone when drunk is never going to end well. Especially if they have done nothing wrong or you are as sweet as pie to them when your sober. You wouldn’t do it sober, so don’t do it now.

10. Sleazing on someone you don’t fancy whatsoever
The beer goggles are on and you get yourself into a situation with someone you never would have considered getting with. Maybe it will work out well for you or maybe it is your friend’s ex. Either way tread with caution.

11. Buying endless rounds of drinks
You’re no Hugh Hefner. You are no Bill Gates. So, why flaunt that Visa Debit card around like it is an American Express Black card. You aren’t very generous when you are sober, so, just bring out cash the next time.

12. Making over the top arrangements
“If I’m 40 and your 40 and we are both still single…let’s get married.” Did this actually just happen?

13. Making concrete plans with people you hardly speak to
So many plans and you are never ever going to keep them. Just try and avoid these situations as much as possible.

14. Carrying home a souvenir
A potential traffic cone or danger sign will suffice.

15. Telling your taxi man your life story
When sober, many of us find it difficult and awkward to talk to taxi men, but when drunk, we are their best friend for life.

via our content partner CT

The most annoying people in your Instagram feed

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Mar 25, 2014

by Amber Saunders

Instagram has become quite the phenomenon. It’s a way for us to shove self-indugent information in other people’s faces without the OTT aspects of a Facebook status.

But, whether you like it or not, there are things that will grind your gears. Maybe it’s the food pics or the succession of couple selfies that make you cringe – either way, Instagram can be infuriating.

1. Airport Check-in
This may be an ‘out of the ordinary’ post, but it does get on certain people’s nerves. We are jealous enough that you are jetting off while we sit in the office staring at the hailstones banging against the window, so, we don’t need to see your pint of Bulmers in the airport titled: “Cheeky drink before Londonnn”.

2. Juice Diets
Yeah, yeah you’re better than us. We get it. Oh did someone say ‘bandwagon’?

3. Healthy Foods
#paleo #cleanliving #glutenfree #fitspo #healthyliving – #youaresoannoyingcanyoupleasestopdoingthisthanks. Unless you are blogging or have a purpose behind this, no one cares that you’re eating healthily or making the most delicious paleo brownies.

4. #nofilter
Awesome. You’re not just good looking – you are SO attractive you don’t need to use a filter. Congratulations!

5. Weight Loss Selfies
It is great that you lost weight. Everyone should be healthy and you should be proud. But a constant stream of pictures of you tensing, showing your six pack and saying how much weight you’ve lost, is really, really annoying.

6. Mirror Selfies
They can be vain, they can be in unusual places and we really do wonder how people get their bodies to bend like that. They are certainly not the worst but they aren’t the best either.

7. Work Out Selfies
For some reason some fellow Instagrammers out there feel they should let the world know every time they are in the gym. Whether it is on the treadmill, in the locker room or lifting weights, you just have to show people. For people who prefer to sit on their ass all day eating chipper chips and numerous packs of Mighty Munch, it can get annoying.

8. Couple Selfies
We get it you are in a relationship, but the pictures of you guys kissing and spooning is just too much. Also if you’re both supposedly asleep, who is taking the picture?! Nobody likes these unless they are in the actual relationship…and it’s a picture of them.

via our content partner CT

9 things that will make a 20-something look cool

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Mar 24, 2014

by Amber Saunders

Being cool in your 20s is not very hard – in fact, you’re usually considered cool just for the sheer fact that you’re IN your 20s.

Your 20s are a period of 10 years where you can be independent, dependent, mature, and immature at the same time. We’re old enough to party and young enough to party. People younger than 20 want to be you and people older than 30 want to be you.

However we’re not all the same – at least not to each other – and some 20-somethings are simply cooler than others. Why? Here are the things that will allow you to rise above the mundanely cool.

1. Drinking wine — at the bar
Waltzing around a bar or club with a glass of Pinot in your hand makes you look mature. You’re showing you’re still up for having fun (you’re drunk and out), but you’ve also grown out of vodka (for the moment). It shows you can be a grown-up, despite the arm flailing (dancing) and the random stuff you’re saying. A wine glass in your hand shows that one day you’ll have it all together. Just not yet.

2. Watching Netflix original TV shows
Netflix is not completely mainstream (yet), therefore giving it ‘cool’ status. If you can get into Netflix shows it means you have money to afford it (or friends to steal Netflix account passwords from) and you have a good sense of humor (intellectual humor). Like, I have 5 words for you: Orange is the New Black. If you watch this show you are in a club of very special people. And House of Cards – amazing. Netflix even picked up the cult show Arrested Development for a 4th season. Netflix is cool. And people who watch their original series are too.

3. Staying in once in a while
Obviously staying in all the time isn’t cool. But once every other month — that’s pretty cool. First of all, it’s mysterious. People will think ‘why now?’ and your implication that you have more important things to do will make people want to hang out with you even more. Staying in out of nowhere makes those around you wonder why they can’t grow up and stay in too. Your absence may also make people realise you’re actually fun and show them why you SHOULD be around.

4. Listening to
What is it about this music that makes a neon-clad 20-something cool? Is it because college students are basking in this ritual so it makes a post-grad seem like they still got it? Is it because it shows that he or she likes to RAGE? Is it because it makes a 20-something mysterious — like, do they do trendy drugs or do they just like FUN?

5. Pretending to have money
At the bar you’re all like “no don’t worry, I’ll get the drinks, you can get them next time.” There probably won’t be a next time though… You just wanted to seem ‘rich.’ At dinner, you’re all like ‘It’s fine. I can throw in the extra money for tip. No need to pay me back.’ Oh, if they only knew your credit card is almost maxed out. And in the taxi, you’re all like “I got this one. Let me use my card.’ Perhaps you’ll throw in the ‘you guys can give me cash,’ but part of you knows that no one is going to give you cash. Except maybe one person… but that’s really all you needed — That lone 5er you needed for the cloakroom. You act all casual walking away after spending eighteen euro on a cab pretending it didn’t hurt you. Oh but it did. In fact, it hurt you more than it hurt your bank account.

6. Eating quinoa…
…and other organic foods. “Eating clean” makes it appear that you have money, you’re healthy and you can cook (Chef Instagram if you will). It gives you something to talk to other 20-somethings about and makes you feel like an adult even IF the quinoa is microwavable. Basically, if quinoa is not something you eat while on the couch watching Netflix in yoga pants with a glass of wine, GET OUT OF MY APARTMENT.

9. #Hastagging
#idontknowwhythisiscool. #butitis. #whenyoudoitasajoke. #likeonfacebook. #orpostthevideooffallonandtimberlakehashtagging.#sorrynotsorry.

8. Having an obscene amount of people like your activity on social media
When someone likes your status or your picture or retweets you or favorites your tweet it makes you feel good. But when an obscene amount of people like your stuff, that’s when you start to LOOK cool. It’s like that girl who always gets 50+ likes on her statuses. I don’t find her that funny, but other people do, so I suppose she’s funny. Facebook is a mini playground and ‘likes’ determine popularity. That must be why everyone starts wanting to get engaged. They want the 100+ likes on their relationship change activity. They want to see what long lost acquaintances and exes will come out of the woodworks to like the activity. It’s sick. We’re sick.

9. Telling people you’re busy
You can’t be busy all the time or people will stop inviting you to do things, but if you’re only busy sometimes, people might wonder if you dislike them, which will make them try to impress you. They’ll wonder why they’re never busy and deem you as a cooler, more social person than them. You will seem like you have all these friends, but still seem to make time for everyone, making you an absolute blast. ‘How does she do it?!‘ they’ll think. Little do they know, you’re probably on the couch with a bottle of wine watching Netflix… in tracksuit bottoms.