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getting over someone

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If you've just come out of a relationship, you'll know that adjusting to the change can be extremely difficult.

Whether you're one of the lucky ones who ended things amicably, or whether it was messy and full of tears, it can take weeks or even months to start to feel like yourself again.

Our body and mind are proven to go through significant chemical and hormonal changes after a big life shift like a breakup, so it's completely normal to feel like everything has been turned upside down.

While unfortunately there's no magic fix – getting over a breakup takes time – there are some coping mechanisms you can use to make the whole process easier.

1. Cut off contact
Easier said than done, we know, but it's an important step even if it's just for the short term. After a break-up, your body and mind are essentially craving the comfort of your ex, and the best way to work through that is to give yourself time to heal and move on. Make a decision to cut off contact for a set length of time – somewhere between 30 and 90 days is a good place to start.

2. Take a social media hiatus
Even though you might have done the standard Facebook, Twitter and WhatsApp blocking, social media is a dangerous place and it's likely you'll see your ex's face or comments still popping up in your feed. Try to avoid social media at times when it's really not necessary or when you're feeling particularly fragile. Go for face-to-face meetings with friends and family instead – you'll get so much more out of it.

3. Be mindful of your anxiety
It's natural to feel lost and anxious after a breakup, especially when toxic thoughts like "what am I going to do now?" and "I'm going to be alone forever" begin to creep in. Be aware that anxiety is a normal part of the process and try to come up with techniques to help yourself work through things – either mindfulness practices like yoga or medititation, or simply trying to combat each negative thought with a positive one.

4. Reconnect with who you were before the relationship
There are bound to be certain aspects of your life that changed when you began seeing someone seriously. Maybe you swapped your morning gym session for an extra cosy hour in bed or maybe you had less time to spend with friends. Make the effort now to reclaim those parts of your life and you'll soon begin to notice that being single definitely has its advantages.

5. Avoid the blame game
Whatever the reason for your breakup, try to avoid flinging blame around and bad-mouthing your ex where it's not necessary. Anger is natural, but blaming one another is pointless if the relationship has already ended. Try to focus your thoughts more constructively and aim to understand the reasons why you broke up rather than blaming your former other half or yourself.

6. Use your support networks
You don't need to suffer in silence – just like you'd be there to listen if a friend or family member was going through a hard time, they will want to do the same for you and to help you through all of this. So don't be afraid to call when you need to talk, no matter how long it's been since the breakup.

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When a relationship ends, it’s never easy for either party. When a long-term relationship ends, things can be infinitely more difficult.

No matter whose decision it was – yours, his or both of you – your life can suddenly feel turned upside down. Maybe things had been going downhill for a while or maybe not. Regardless of how it ended, this is the person you had built a life with, the person you have hundreds of memories with and the person you had possibly planned to have a future with.

Relationships tend so start brilliantly in a haze of love and excitement. When they end, it’s often the total opposite with tears, anger and despair. It’s natural to feel like you’re crumbling along with the plans you had and the future you had hoped for. All of a sudden, everything comes to an abrupt stop and you’re forced to reconsider things.  At that stage it can be hard to look ahead and see a time where you’ll be okay again.

But it is possible. It won’t be easy, and it won’t be brief, but a time will come when this will all be a part of your past. The best favour you can do for yourself right now is to allow yourself all the time you need. Don’t put pressure on yourself to start feeling positive about things right away. Time can work wonders – those vivid thoughts and memories will start to fade and blur, and the pain will lessen.

A rebound might seem like the ideal solution right now – you’ll get all the comfort and closeness of sex without any of the strings attached. But the truth is, a one night stand doesn’t really help with heartbreak at all. If anything, you end up feeling more alone afterwards. What you can do for yourself at this time is to stay open to the idea of love. I’m not suggesting you start looking around for your future boyfriend – not at all, in fact, but simply that you don’t close yourself off to the possibility of love.

Let your mind wander and your imagination go a little wild if you spot a guy you fancy. Even that simple process can be enough for you to slowly come around to the idea of meeting someone new.

Don’t disillusion yourself about your relationship. If things ended and reconciliation does not seem to be an option, then it is probably for the best. Take control of your thoughts and don’t just focus on your happy memories. No doubt there are bad ones in there too – otherwise you two wouldn’t have split up. Remind yourself of why things had to end. Understand that he wasn’t perfect.

Our life will be full of ups and downs, and some will be more intense than others. Let yourself be upset and angry, but know that one day, somewhere down the line, this will just be something else you look back on as part of your past.

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After a bad break-up, it can feel like you’ll never be okay again.

All you want to do is lie in bed, eat junk and forget everything. At those low points though, it’s important to realise that you won’t feel like this forever. With time – and a little perspective – you will come out the other end.

And in some ways, though it mightn’t seem possible right now, you’ll realise that maybe the new you isn’t all bad.

Here are just some of the reasons your broken heart might be just what you need…

1. You’ll be more grateful
Be it one, two, or ten years down the line, some day you will look back and realise that your life wouldn’t be the way it was now without some bumps along the way. Be it the people you meet, your career path, your future love life – everything that happens is shaped by the decisions you make along the way. Your relationship’s end may have opened doors that you didn’t even realise were there.

2. It’s a shake-up
It’s easy to fall into a rut and miss exactly what’s happening in front of your nose. But by being brave and taking the leap to end things – whether it was your decision or not – you may realise that your situation wasn’t quite as rosy as you thought. You only deserve the best and shouldn’t be held back by a relationship that’s not working out.

3. It makes you see what you really want in life
Maybe you would have gone for that promotion two years ago, except that it involved too much travel. Or maybe you would have moved away from your home town long before now. In a relationship we have to make sacrifices for the other person – that’s a natural part of long-term commitment. Embrace the fact that you’re free to make your own decisions now – go forge your own path.

4. You’ll see how much other love there is in your life
When we’re at our lowest, good friends and family are the ones that can help us pull through. Be grateful for the love you have in your life – and let others look after you for a while.

5. You’ll gain independence
Whether you like it or not, breaking up with your partner means that you’re on your own in many ways. But that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Knowing that you can look after yourself means you’ll go into your next relationship with your eyes wide open. It’s amazing how far we can push ourselves when we have no other choice!

6. You’ll learn to live in the now
If there’s one thing a break-up teaches you, it’s that you can’t change the past, and you most definitely can’t change the future, either. Whether you two patch things up down the line or whether this truly is the end, a broken heart teaches you to be patient and to accept things as they come.

7. You know what love is
True love, and all the ups and downs that come with it, is one of the most important experiences we can ever hope to have. Know that you have felt love and have been loved – and cherish that knowledge, rather than wishing the whole thing had never happened. These guys knew what they were taking about:

 

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