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hangovers

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When it comes to hangovers, we have the memory of a goldfish.

Mornings spent begging for a bucket are quickly erased once the next big night rolls around.

Afternoons spent slumped in front of Netflix pale into insignificance once talk turns to the newest cocktail.

And then the hangover hits again, and we're stunned that we failed to learn our lesson… again.

With more parties than you can shake a stick at on the horizon, here are five things that will DEFINITELY help you power on through.

1. Take a shower.

When your mouth tastes like a carpet and you can barely lift your head off the pillow, the idea of crawling into the bathroom is far from appealing, but it helps so much we could weep.

No one's asking you to shave, exfoliate or apply a hair mask, but simply wash off last night's makeup and throw some shampoo into that bird's nest.

Life lesson: No one has ever felt worse after washing themselves.

2. Get dressed

It can be tempting to stay in your pyjamas (that's if you got into them in the first place) but fresh, clean, and most importantly, comfy clothes will do wonders for your fragile state of mind.

Pull on a hoody, slip into your softest sweat pants (the ones with the soup stain that you can't get out) and haul out your fluffiest socks.

Life lesson: Your biggest hoody will be there for you long after everyone else has left.

3. Avoid social media 

If you want to feel worse about yourself then by all means scroll through a newsfeed which documents other people's early morning hikes, festive brunches and smug work-out sessions while you huddle on the couch.

Stick your phone in another room for at least a few hours until you're ready to face the hell that is other people.

Life lesson: Smug Facebook posts never have, and never will, improve a hangover.

4. Get some fresh air

Whether it means walking to the end of your back garden a few times or hovering on your balcony for twenty minutes, a good blast of fresh air will genuinely make you feel better.

This does not mean you should embark on a hike or even attempt anything as challenging as a brisk walk, but it does mean you must leave your blanket fort for at least twenty minutes.

Life lesson: Your blanket fort will always be there when you get back.

5. Order your favourite takeaway

We'll be honest – the thought of our favourite dinner gets us through even the most hideous of days, so a takeaway is always a good idea when you're too fragile to operate a toaster.

Today is not the day for calorie counting, food guilt or embarrassment; you order what you want, when you want and enjoy every damn morsel.

Life Lesson: Eat pizza.

 

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You have just woken up and all you keep getting is three distinctive flashbacks: fighting with your mate, texting your ex to tell him you guys should get back together and scoring said ex’s best friend. Well this is going to be an awkward morning…

Breathe
Worse things could have happened. Just keep repeating that to yourself. You are vulnerable, sensitive and not in a good place right now. 

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Be Warm
You are experiencing the shakes and then sweating like a pig. You need to control this. Get your duvet and wrap it around you like a butterfly immersed in a cocoon. You can’t let this shivering defeat you. Stay strong!

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Food
It’s time. You go to the kitchen, you put on the kettle and you locate food. We recommend ice cream, crisps and bags of chocolate. If you are feeling up to it, make a giant sandwich.

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Minerals
I’m not talking a cup. I’m not talking a pint glass. Get as much water as you can physically carry. No man should be dehydrated and on a day like today anything could set you off, so, have it close to you. You deserve this fountain of relief.

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TV
Make it to the couch and get Netflix on because today you will watch TV like you’ve never watched it before.  Remember you can do this. You are the master of this hangover.

Call A Friend
When you have calmed down from the utter panic you experienced this morning, it is time to call a friend. This is a 50/50 situation. You will either be relieved and joyous to find out last night wasn’t that bad or find out you have done a whole lot worse. It is your call. You can do this.

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Crying
Okay, just let it all out. You may be watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S or something on the Disney Channel and you may have no reason to cry but just let it out. Hangovers and The Fear cause deep, deep emotions. Tomorrow will be a brighter day.

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Get Up
It is time to get your sh*t together. Go and have a shower and get rid of this miserable, dark stage you are in. That presentation is due tomorrow so you better finish it. You have had your moments of fear and sadness, it has to end now.

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Eat Again
It is dinner time and you are going to get the biggest meal of your life, so, enjoy it. Eat, eat and eat some more. You know gluttony is the best side effect of a hangover.

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Rest Up
Try and get a good night’s sleep. You know everything will be better in the morning. Sleep cures all and it will even cure the fact that you scored your mates little brother or sister last night. Worse things could have happened.

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