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There is a dark and ominous theme to the majority of this week’s cinema listings, so if you were hoping for some light and fluffy escapism, then perhaps you should stay at home with a DVD. Although, there is some fun for the kids!

Friday, 12th September

​The Boxtrolls

This is an animated film which is based on the children’s book Here Be Monstors by Alan Snow. It tells the story of a young orphaned boy who was raised by underground cave dwellers, and he has to save his friends from an evil exterminator! You may recognise some famous voices such as Richard Ayoade from the IT Crowd or Nick Frost from Shaun of the Dead. We think we may enjoy this even more than our little brothers or sisters, it sounds great!

 

Friday, 12th September

Finding Fanny

An unfortunate name, but this satirical Bollywood film doesn’t actually sound too bad. It’s about a group of guys who set out on a journey to find an old postman’s childhood love, Stefanie "Fanny" Fernandes. Nobody knows whether she's alive or dead or in fact just a figment of someone's imagination, but nevertheless, they set off on their journey – which ends up taking one and a half days instead of the 20 minutes it was supposed to!

 

Friday, 12th September

Manuscripts Don’t Burn

This is a pretty serious film about two Iranian agents who go to extreme lengths to find a banned manuscript that details their government's failed attempt to murder 21 writers. At the last minute, they have to change their plans. You won’t get lots of laughs from this flick, but it definitely sounds interesting!

 

Friday, 12th September

A Most Wanted Man

A half-Chechen, half-Russian tortured man who arrives at an Islamic community looking for help, is also looking to recover is late father’s ill-gotten fortune. However, his story seems a bit strange and people start to wonder if he is a victim, a thief or an extremist. A British banker and a young female lawyer get caught up in the story as they are determined to help. All the while, they’re being watched by the chief of a covert German spy unit, who tries to figure out what’s going on. Rachel McAdams stars in this, alongside the late Philip Seymour Hoffman – it’s definitely one to watch.

 

Friday, 12th September

A Nightingale Falling

This is an Irish film, which tells the tale of two sisters whose lives are changed forever as they care for a wounded soldier during the War of Independence. It’s described as “a tragic love story of a household & its inhabitants, caught in the crucible of dark deep secrets”. Sounds good to us, if not a little depressing!

 

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Sunday mornings were tough when the duvet was ripped from your bed at some ungodly hour and you were marched out the door to mass which, although only 40mins, felt like an eternity. 

1. Chaos in the house trying to get there on time. Your Mum and Dad killing each other..

 2. Not being able to find your ‘good’ shoes

 3. Your Mum telling you to sit up straight

Hearing the two most dreaded words on Christmas Eve: MIDNIGHT MASS.

4. Feeling morally wrong if you were the only one sitting down

kids-in-church

5. Daydreaming while looking at coloured church windows

Daydreaming while looking at colored church windows.

6. Fidgeting with anything you could find

 7. Wanting to rob the collection basket

 8. Speaking gibberish when you didn’t know the words to any of the prayers

10. The fear that the priest could read your mind

10. The indecisiveness of grabbing the wafer or sticking your tongue out

Eucharist001

11. Thinking you wanted to be an alter girl

12. Always forgetting what you are supposed to say in the confession booth

23 Things People Who Grew Up Going To Catholic Church Will Understand

 13. The comfort of kneeling like this

The comfort of kneeling like this.

14. Shaking hands with strangers during the Sign of Peace was always a little awkward

 15. Breathing in the incense

 16. When the priest blessed the congregation with holy water, you felt extra special when the water actually touched you

 17. Falling asleep during the sermon

 18. Those glorious words: “May God bless you. The mass has ended. Go in peace.”
 

061811-CD-catholicmass2.jpg

HALLELUJAH!

And, finally:

19. Getting your pocket money and spending it all on sweets!

via our content partner CT

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Rob Kearney has slammed reports he had a cheeky kiss with TV presenter, Laura Whitmore at this weekend’s Electric Picnic festival.

An article in the Irish Mirror had said that the two were seen getting close at the festival with much flirting and kissing going on, hmm!

According to Rob, however, the report is “totally untrue” as he took to his Twitter account to voice his annoyance: “@Demelzadeburca inaccurate and totally untrue article you’ve written. As a result I’ll never do another sports interview with your paper!”

Eek, you know that old Irish saying, right? Whatever happens at Electric Picnic stays at Electric Picnic! 

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It’s the first of September guys, which means that even though summer was technically over at the beginning of August, now it’s REALLY over.

We’re not too worried though, our favourite actors such as Jennifer Aniston, Paul Rudd and Cameraon Diaz have promised to keep us entertained this week!

 

Friday, 5th September 

Sex Tape

When Jay (Jason Segel) and Annie (Cameron Diaz) find that the passion in their marriage is nearly non-existent, they decide to spice things up – with a sex tape. However, when they’re sex tape is no longer private, they are involved in a race to reclaim their video (and reputations!). The reviewers aren’t loving this flick – but we’d give any Cameron Diaz and Jason Segel film a chance!

 

 

Friday, 5th September 

Before I Go To Sleep

This sounds like a scary Fifty First Dates. According to imdb.com: “A woman wakes up every day, remembering nothing as a result of a traumatic accident in her past. One day, new terrifying truths emerge that force her to question everyone around her.” Nicole Kidman and Colin Firth are the famous faces in this film, so it’s got to be good, right?

 

 

Friday, 5th September 

The Hundred Foot Journey

An Indian family move to France and open an eatery across from a Michelin-starred French restaurant run by Madame Mallory (Hellen Mirren) who is outraged by their arrival. This sounds like the perfect Sunday night film to watch with your parents. Whether or not we’d go to the cinema to see it, we’re not sure. Sounds good though!

 

Friday, 5th September 

Life of Crime

When two criminals Ordell and Louis snatch the wife of a wealthy Detroit developer, saying they’ll give her back for a ransom, they had no idea that her husband couldn’t care less about his wife because he’s too busy with his mistress. So, with the help of his wife (Jennifer Aniston) they vow to take him for everything he’s got. We will definitely be giving this a watch!

 

 

Friday, 5th September 

They Came Together

Ah Paul Rudd, we love you! This is a parody of romantic comedies (of which Rudd is VERY familiar with), and tells the tale of Joel (Paul Rudd) and Molly (Amy Phoeler) who hate each other when they first meet. But guess what? That doesn’t last long! While the critics haven’t been too complimentary of this film, we’ll have to give it a watch, just out of curiosity! 

 

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There is big news this afternoon as Peter O’Riordan has been announced as a new presenter for TV3’s Xposé.

Now, if you think you haven’t heard this name before, we are here to tell you that you have. Oh, you definitely have.

Back when Queen Beyoncé (yes, that is her name) and Jay-Z visited Ireland with their little girl, Blue Ivy, TMZ did a very questionable report in which Peter said that people in Ireland wouldn’t know who they are.

Here's a quick reminder:

TV3 announced the news on their website as well as at the launch, writing: "Peter brings a wealth of experience to Xposé having risen from a Field Producer to Assignment Manager at TMZ's LA offices and he has played a part in breaking some of the biggest pop culture news stories in the world including the deaths of Whitney Houston and Paul Walker, and Jay-Z and Solange's elevator fight."

Peter spoke of his delight at his new position, saying: "After almost four years of working with he number 1 celebrity news outlet TMZ, I am ecstatic to be given the opportunity to work with such an amazing brand and networks being Xposé and TV3."

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A new semester is almost upon us, a fresh beginning, a new start. A chance to right your wrongs, put to bed those past study regrets that you may be harbouring, the time to draw on a clean slate.

Every single semester students up and down the country lie to both themselves and everyone around them by promising themselves things they won't do.

Happy procrastinating!

1. “I’m going to be so focused and organised this semester.”

This is probably the strongest lie that we try and tell ourselves. We try and scare our inner thoughts into believing that this is our one last chance to cop on and knuckle down, that a refill pad filled with notes from the seven different classes that we’re taking is a perfectly acceptable, organised system. Well it’s not. But that’s not going to stop you now, is it?

2. “I’m going to study at least thrice as much as last year.”

If by study you mean procrastinating, then yes, you will ‘study’ three times more than you did last year. Cleaning, Netflix and Facebook creeping will be all on the rise. Good intentions still count, right?

3. “I’m going to go out far less.”

Of course you are. Until Thursday, when you somehow end up sitting in someone’s dingy house with a six pack of Dutch Gold in hand. Seeing as you’re in college, hitting the town twice a week (minimum) is inevitable, so stop lying to your inner socialite and get your finest dancing shoes on immediately.

4. “I’m going to be super healthy this time around.”

Yes, you may believe that running, quinoa and lettuce will form a major part of your life now that you’ve promised yourself glowing health, but be honest, after a rough night on the beer nothing spells hangover cure better than a salad right? WRONG. So wrong. Chinese and the couch anyone?

5. “I’ll have so many golden weeks, they’ll probably give me an award.”

Correction, you’ll have so many absences, they’ll probably give you an award. Golden weeks are the stuff of legend, the pinnacle of a successful, dedicated student. It’s similar to a golden ticket in that you’re never going to get one, so stop lying to yourself now.

6. “The library shall be my new home for the next year.”

This is partly true, the library shall be your new home for a brief period (week) leading up to exams. As for the rest of the semester? Well, lets just say that you and your bed will form a close and intimate relationship because at least in bed, you won’t be judged for watching whatever classy shows it is that you watch.

7. “I’m going to really embrace college life and be a society head.”

Don't do this. Just don't. Please. 

8. “I will hand all of my assignments in on time and will not leave them untouched until the night before they’re due.”

This is very much a true and genuine aspiration, true that is, until we are given an assignment that’s due in three weeks. Three weeks seems like such a very long time, you think. I’ll leave it for a few days, do some research, gather my thoughts. (Enter Netflix) Then suddenly, without you even realising, it’s the night before and you’re pulling another caffeine fueled all nighter. So you see, really, it’s not actually all your fault…

9. “I will do every bit of recommended reading that comes my way.”

Yes, but have you SEEN how much reading one is actually expected to do? How in God's name are you expected to fit it in around sleep, drinking and online ‘researching’? It’s an impossible task. Give up now and spare yourself the stress.

via our content partner CT

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We love our mammies, truly, we do. 

But sometimes they just get it so, so wrong. 

This Irish mammy in particular messed up her son's Ice Bucket Challenge by not listening to instructions properly (they're always at that) and throwing it over him too soon. 

Poor Ben didn't even get his nominations in. 

And hence, #jesusmammy was born.

We mostly feel bad for the poor dog!

Post by Ben Storey.
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Oh, Irish TV, you never fail to provide us with humorous incidents (remember Garth Gates?!)

And now there's this…

Last night's National Lottery draw, brought to you by Brian Ormond, went a little bit haywire. 

We would say he handled it well but, erm, we can't tell. 

All that was missing from the scene was just a tumbleweed, floating slowly through the studio…

He's no Bryan Dobson yet, that much we do know! 

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We may moan a lot about the weather, and the government, and the roads – ok, we moan about everything, but that doesn’t mean we don’t love our little island! Here are ten reasons why:

The people
It doesn’t matter where you are, if the people aren’t nice, you’re not going to have a great time. Luckily for us, Irish people are the best! Dublin was even voted as one of the friendliest cities in the world – now THAT’S something to be proud of!

The weather
Sure, we moan about it when it rains. But that doesn’t mean we don’t secretly love being forced to stay indoors and watch Netflix all day. We’re also big fans of boots and cardigans – two things we could never wear if we lived somewhere hot!

The humour
Ever been on holidays and thought, “This place may be pretty, but it just isn’t as much craic as home”? That’s because no country has the same humour as Ireland, we are crusaders of the craic industry.

Breakfast rolls
Did you know you can’t get breakfast rolls in England? They have no idea what they’re missing out on! Same goes for chicken fillet rolls – we just couldn’t live without them!

The phrases
Those little words and phrases just make life more fun, don’t they? We wouldn’t want to live in a world where we couldn’t say we did something ‘arseways’. Sure that’d be no craic.

The lack of deadly insects
Normal spiders cause us enough stress – if they could actually hurt us aswell? We just wouldn’t be able to cope.

The lads
They may have been voted as the ugliest men in the world or some such nonsense, but we love our Irish lads. We wouldn’t change them for anything! (Except maybe making them a bit more romantic, or stylish, or…)

The word ‘grand’
It’s such a good word for when something is a bit better than ok but not as good as fantastic. Sure you’re grand. It’s grand. That’s grand. It’ll be grand. We love it.

Our terrible Eurovision entries
They always give us a good laugh every year!

The scenery
Ireland is really pretty – even though it rains all the time. You can keep you plane ticket to Australia, thanks!

 

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It has been announced that The Script will play a gig at Dublin Castle on September 13th.

The band revealed the exciting news on their Twitter account, writing: “We’re playing a homecoming show at #DublinCastle in September.”

The gig comes only days before the release of their new album, No Sound Without Silence.

Tickets for the concert will go on sale Friday 22nd August at 9am, according to the band’s Twitter announcement.

We better get up early for this one!

We'll leave you with this to get you ready: 

 

 

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With sites like Waterford Whispers News, Daily Mash and The Onion clearly confusing too many people out there (where are they?) Facebook have decided to tag them as satirical.

The social media giant spoke to BBC about the move, saying: “We are running a small test which shows the text ‘[Satire]’ in front of links to satirical articles in the related articled unit in News Feed. This is because we received feedback that people wanted a clearer way to distinguish satirical articles from others in these units.”

The tag will be tried out first by the company before they decide whether to make it a permanent fixture or not. 

So, if you were one of the people confused by articles such as this, and even worse, commented on them, you have officially ruined all of our fun. 

It was the Ryan Tubridy Waterford Whispers article that caused all of this, wasn't it? Definitely worth it. 

To make this news even more disappointing, site Literally Unebelievable, has been capturing people's reactions to The Onion. Needless to say, they are hilarious and we will miss them. 

 

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Rumour has it that the weather is going to be getting progressively worse this week, but don’t worry! You can always go to the cinema and fill the summer shaped hole in your heart with popcorn and fizzy drinks. Here’s what’s being released this week:

Wednesday August 20th

What If

This is Daniel Radcliffe’s new film. He plays a medical school dropout called Wallace, who hasn’t been very lucky in love. When he decides to put his love life on hold, he meets Chantry, an animator who lives with her long-term boyfriend. Wallace is in love, but gets well and truly friend-zoned by Chantry – or so it seems. Is she secretly harbouring a little crush on her BFF? Well, you’ll have to watch it to find out!

 

Friday August 20th

Into the Storm

When a town called Silverton is struck by a ridiculous amount of tornadoes in one day, most people run for cover. However, a group of idiot adventurous storm chasers run towards the vortex trying to get that once-in-a-lifetime shot, making a very exciting film.

 

Friday August 22nd

Deliver Us From Evil

If you feel like you’ve had enough sleep for the week and want something to keep you up for the next 72 hours, then this is the film for you. New York police officer Ralph Sarchie is investigating a series of crimes and teams up with an unconventional priest who is well versed in the rites of exorcism. The unlikely duo get to work combating the possessions that have been terrorising the city. Word to the wise: make sure to visit the ladies’ before you head in for this one.

 

Friday August 22nd

The Rover

If you want to see Robert Pattinson in a more gritty drama, then here you have it. This is a film about a man called Eric in pursuit of his stolen car in a time where the rule of law means nothing to no one. He captures Rey, the brother of one of the thieves (R-Pattz), and forces him to help track the gang. Could be worth the watch!

 

Friday August 22nd

Lucy

Ever fancied seeing Scarlett Johansson get caught up in a dark deal, turn the tables on her captors and transform “into a merciless warrior evolved beyond human logic”? If so, Lucy is the film you’ve been looking for. 

 

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