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As we all know, a sober taxi journey and a drunk taxi journey are worlds apart.

When we’re well into our second bottle of wine, we think the taxi is our own personal playpen. Hell, sometimes it’s the most fun part of the night.

When we’re sober and channelling our inner grown-up, we think the taxi is that day's adult challenge. Hell, it’s the least fun part of the week.

If you still struggle with correct taxi etiquette, then have a quick glance through our handy guide and you’ll be the perfect passenger in no time.

You may give precise, polite directions at any stage in your journey.

You may not ask if your taxi driver knows where you live because you sure as hell don’t.

You may keep your hands firmly clasped in your lap while you make polite chit-chat.

You may not rub your taxi driver’s head for luck while giggling hysterically.

You may say thanks without knowing your taxi driver’s name.

You may not call him Mr. Taxi Man and laugh like a cray-cray loon.

You may politely comment on the tedious radio talk show he has playing on Snooze Fm.

You may not change the radio station and roar ‘Tune!’ at every song before it even comes on.

You may seek your driver’s approval by tutting at drunk people you pass on your journey.

You may not roar out the window asking where these drunk people got their garlic cheese chips.

You may pay your driver upon stopping and offer a reasonable tip, if you wish.

You may not offer to pay your driver with your Tesco Clubcard and then offer a handful of coppers and one button as a tip.

You may sit quietly in your seat and make pleasant conversation with other passengers, if necessary.

You may not try to get into the back seat because you saw your friend playing crouching tiger, hidden naggin.

You may keep your shoes on at all times, no matter what.

You may not pull off your stilettos, rest your manky feet on the dashboard and make puppy-dog faces at the driver about all your owie’s.

You may ask your driver if he’s been busy because this is what grown-ups do.

You may not hug your driver and ask if he wants a nightcap in yours because you stole whisky from the pub.

You may gather all your belongings and swiftly exit the taxi, being sure to close the door with reasonable force.

You may not accuse your driver of stealing your lipgloss…your phone…and your scarf, and then slam the door after twenty minutes of ridiculous threats.

Stick to these guidelines girls, and you’ll be hailing, chatting and tipping like a pro in no time.

Taxi!

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While hangovers may be the worst thing ever, it is quite nice having a day dedicated to eating as much greasy, fried, cheesy food as you possibly can. 

Here are some favourite hangover foods we love in Ireland:

1. Tayto sandwiches
With real butter ONLY and Brennan's bread…heaven. Or you may be a King's person, which is totally fine too…no judgment. 

2. Tea
It may as well be a food group, let's be honest. When we're hungover there is never a cup of tea far from us. 

3. Hot chicken roll
Whether you like it plain, with ketchup, or even with cheese and coleslaw, hot chicken rolls will cure any headache. 

4. Jambons
On any non-hungover day we will look at these and say to ourselves, 'Who eats those?!' Then we walk in after a big night out and they suddenly look mighty attractive. 

5. Koka noodles
Boil the kettle, sprinkle, pour – perfection. #KanyeShrug

6. Big dirty fry
Pudding (both colours), eggs, brown bread, rashers, sausages, hash browns, fried tomatoes and pieces of triangular toast. Thanks mom. 

7. Club Orange and/or Lucozade
All of the fizz makes the day less hard. 

8. Cheesy beans on toast
It's fascinating how melted cheese can transform beans on toast. 

9. Cheese chips
That bright orange cheese sauce poured over chips…yum. 

10. 3-in-1
Chips, curry sauce AND rice?! We all remember our first 3-in-1. 

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Hair salons are one of our favourite places. They're warm, they're inviting and the stylists are our pals.

They want us to look fab, they do their best to help and we generally leave feeling pretty great about ourselves.

Oh, here's another thing about salons- you have to answer a lot of questions when you get there. And we mean a lot.

Here are just ten that get asked in the space of one appointment.

1 “Are you going anywhere nice tonight?”

Alternative

“Ya off out?”

2 "So, have you been watching X Factor?"

Alternative

"What do you make of Strictly this year?"

3 "Have you been straightening?"

Translation

"Your hair feels like straw and I resent having to deal with it."

4 "Who cut your hair last?"

Translation

"This is butchered and I sure as hell didn’t do it."

5 "Ya all set for Christmas?"

Alternative

"Have you any holidays planned?"

6 "Have you been using a hair protectant?"

Translation

 "I told you last time to use it and you didn't, ya scamp."

7) "Are you panicking? Sure, I’m only taking the ends, I promise."

Translation

 "Will you relax your shoulders babes!"

8) "What are we doing with ya today?"

Translation

"I am going to sort that mess right out, hun, don't worry."

9) "Now, be sure to drop back in for a trim in a few weeks, won’t you?"

Translation

"Don’t let your hair get like that again."

10) "Do you want a spritz?"

Translation

"Take a spritz."

An appointment wouldn't be an appointment without them and we hope they never end! 

"Sorry, did you ask me something?"

 

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Life can be an awkward thing to handle sometimes. From dreaded sex conversations to housemate trouble – it can all just be so damn AWKWARD! Here are some of life's most challenging conversations to have: 

1. The “no mom, I don’t need a sex-talk…anymore” convo
​Bit late there, ma. 

2. The “those aren’t my condoms, cigarettes or naggin of vodka” convo
​Ah, to be sixteen again…

3. The “do you have an, eh… condom” convo
​Because if not, this ain't happening!

4. The “can you please stop having such loud, horrible sex right above me” convo
​Housemates are the worst

5. The “did you eat all of my almond butter?” convo
​That shi* costs like five euro. 

6. The “I think we need to talk” convo
​It's not me, it's you. You wreck my head. 

7. The “erm…I’m not sure I can have three bridemaids” convo
​Oh gawwwd…

8. The “I’m seeing your ex” convo
​Even though they only shifted twice. 

9. The “we’re moving in together, no we’re not getting married” convo
​That escalated quickly.

10. The “you might want to make a list of anyone who’ve slept with in the last twelve months” convo​
After the anger subsides you realise you have some awkward moments ahead.

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We LOVE us some Taylor Swift. Her videos are great, her songs are catchy and most importantly, she doesn't care what anyone thinks!

Which is why audience cams just keep catching her out dancing like no one is watching. You go girl!

1. We can't stop looking at the girl in the blue dress throwing shapes like there's no tomorrow

2. Bet Lorde is regretting she didn't side with Katy Perry after these dance moves…

 3. Taylor, everyone knows you keep your dance moves to Jay-Z songs for the car. They're private. This is why:

4. Don't lie, Lorde – you are MORTIFIED. 

5.The time that she and Selena Gomez weren't taking no sh** from no one

6. "Psst, Taylor. Here, we're not being bad but can you STOP dancing? Thanks."

7. That time she made Ed Sheeran and Yoko Ono very uncomfortable

8. Shimmy shimmy

9. How big was the box, Taylor?

10. God bless the audience cam

Ah, Taylor, how we love your dodgy dance moves. We're pretty convinced she does it for us at this point. Thanks, Taylor!

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Anyone who wears lenses, even the most casual of users, will know the horror you can sometimes encounter when you decide to ditch your specs for the day.

Yes, contacts are fab because walking in the rain while wearing glasses is probably the hardest activity known to man (Mini-windscreen wipers anyone?), but hell, those damn lenses know how to play with your emotions too.

Here are just ten stages we go through when we decide it’s time to lens-up.

Paranoia

1) You can check which lens is which until you’re blue in the face, but we all know that the second you’ve put them in, you’ll be convinced you mixed them up.

My world will be backwards!

Pain

2) The horrific pain in your left eye and the burning sensation in your nose signals the fact that your lens has decided to slide to the back of your eyeball and implant itself in your brain.

I am a walking Sci-Fi film.

Frustration

3) Applying your lens to your eyeball, watching your lens fold in half and slide out under your eyelashes. Reapplying your lens, watching your lens fold in half…and so on and so forth is standard procedure.

This is a fun way to spend precious eating-time before work.

Embarrassment
​
4) Lens begins tap dancing inside your eye socket while you’re in conversation with someone, leading you to blink wildly and twitch frantically, all the while refusing to explain what’s happening.

Why am I acting like it’s all a-OK?

Panic

5) You have a big night out planned and glasses aren’t an option, but you’re down to your last couple of lenses which you must then guard WITH YOUR LIFE.

Glasses are my only friend this week.

Judgement

6) Removing your lenses, breathing an audible sigh of relief and flicking them across the room at the end of the day is only appropriate if you’re in private.

God, what’s with all these uptights? It’s only a piece of plastic that’s been inside my face for half a day. Chill out.

More pain

7) Waking up after falling asleep with your lenses in is like trying to remove a really small, really fiddly limb, from inside your own head.

Well, this is a fun way to spend twenty minutes. Yawn.

Even more pain

8) On the very odd occasion you forget to wash your hands before application, you WILL have been slicing lemons or cutting onions and that’s just the way it is.

Burning. Forever burning.

Sympathy

9) When someone actually admits their lenses are bothering them that day, you feel a surge of empathy that almost knocks you off your feet.

You’re in a safe place now, friend.

Gratitude

10) When you look back at photos of your fourteen-year-old self in glasses, you realise you will go through anything to ensure you never look like Meg from Family Guy again.

Come to me, lenses! All is forgiven.

 

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Expectation: I am going to make a list of everything I need in October, and buy it all by the end of November

Reality: I will run around the local shopping centre at 8pm on Christmas Eve frantically searching for anything that could be considered a gift. You swiftly discover that everybody does this. 

Expectation: I will put aside money every week from April onwards to ensure I have a nice budget for my Christmas shopping.

Reality: Baked goods, anyone?

Expectation: I am so mature now, I do not need my parents to get me a gift. I will give THEM lots of gifts.

Reality: HOW could they have gotten me the wrong perfume?! Fools! *sob*

Expectation: I am going to decorate my apartment beautifully for Christmas, with a tree and fairy lights and even wrapped presents.

Reality: I will drape tinsel over the TV and it will stay there all year round.

Expectation: I won’t go crazy on the Christmas food this year, I will be sensible and not need to lose a stone when January arrives.

Reality: Oh, the box of Roses are gone already? It wasn’t me…I swear.

Expectation: I will bake the grandest Christmas pudding you ever did see and I shall light it on fire like they do in the adverts.

Reality: The fire alarm goes off and your family are forced to eat your black, burnt mess while watching the Downton Abbey Christmas Special.

Expectation: I will have one little glass of Bailey’s at the local on Christmas Eve before going home to my family.

Reality: I will fall in the door at 4am and interrupt Santa putting out the presents. Oh, don’t mind me…

 

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So can you imagine dancing around the living room putting on a talent show for your parents and singing these songs at the top of your voice? Well, chances are you have…and this is what they heard:

1. Spice Girls – 2 Become 1
“Be a little bit wiser baby, put it on, put it on”
Promoting safe sex is great and all, don’t get us wrong, but we were singing this to our parents at seven-years-old! *Cringe*

2. Mousse-T – Horny
“I’m horny, I’m horny, horny, horny” …etc
It’s all well and good if you were old enough to understand this wasn’t one you sang into your hairbrush at the top of your lungs, but spare a thought for those of us who were too young to know what “horny” was…

3. O-Town – Liquid Dreams
“Liquid dreams, my Liquid Dreams, Waterfalls and streams, these liquid dreams”
Eww.

4. S Club 7 – S Club Party
“Ghetto boys, make some noise! Hoochie mamas, show your nanas!”
We’re not so sure this is short for “Show you are bananas”…

5. Christina, Lil'Kim, Pink and Mya – Lady Marmalade
"Voulez-vous coucher avec moi (ce soir)" 
It's every parent's dream to hear their child singing "Would you like to sleep with me tonight" in French around the neighbourhood. Especially on the ol' holliers … in France!

6. T-Spoon – Sex on the Beach
"I wanna have sex on the beach"
Oh we knew this one was bad, but it was just so damn catchy…

7. AQUA – Barbie Girl
"Make me walk, make me talk, do whatever you please. I can act like a star, I can beg on my knees"
The entire song is just a little disturbing in terms of male-female relationships actually!

8. The Bloodhound Gang – The Bad Touch
"So put your hands down my pants and I bet you'll feel nuts"
Ah, the charming soundtrack of our childhood…

9. Britney Spears – I'm a Slave 4 u
"Oh baby don't you want to dance up on me … Leaving behind my name and age"
Oh dear, oh dear…

 

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People give Gwyneth Paltrow a hard time – mostly because she comes out with a LOT of ridiculous things. 

Like these gems:

1. “I’d rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a tin”

We have no doubt she is being 100% honest here.

2. “When you go to Paris and your concierge sends you to some restaurant because they get a kickback, it’s like, ‘No, where should I really be? Where is the great bar with organic wine? Where do I get a bikini wax in Paris?”

Isn't it just the WORST?! How dare they!

3. “I would rather die than let my kids eat a Cup-A-Soup”

She saw Chris eat a Pot Noodle once and did an exorcism on him. 

4. “When I pass a flowering zucchini plant in my garden, my heart skips a beat”

It's the little (seriously posh) things, eh?

5. “You know, I use organic products, but I get [laser treatments]. It’s what makes life interesting, finding the balance between cigarettes and tofu”

She's laughing because she knows she's trolling us all. 

6. “We basically can’t live without Veganaise – it’s a little out of control”

Nights in at Gwyneth's are WILD. 

7. “I basically love anything that comes in a hot dog bun – except hot dogs”

Like tofu and Veganaise?

8. “I am who I am. I can’t pretend to be someone who makes $25,000 a year.”

No, nor should you Gwynnie, nor should you. 

9. “We have always conducted our relationship privately and we hope that as we consciously uncouple and co-parent, we will be able to continue in the same manner”

Consciously uncoupling is the rich man's "Get the F*** out of my house NOW"

10. “I was starting to hike up the red rocks, and honestly, it was as if I heard the rocks say, ‘You have the answers. You are your teacher.’ I thought I was having an auditory hallucination”

 

Oh, Gwynnie, never change!

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The Irish newsrooms are a thing of legend. Between the news desk and the weather report – we'll never be short of drama! It's basically Anchorman in there, don't cha know?

1. Oh Anne, how we miss you. 

2. Oh, we see you Aengus. We see you

3. Don't listen to her, Jean. We appreciate every single one of your outfits. Yes, even the post-Christmas silver number of '10

4. Vintage Bryan making us swoon as always

5. Ray Kennedy immediately regretted his words once he felt Sharon's heated wrath. His job is ok…this time. 

6. The teleprompter messed up again, leaving Aengus confused

7. Martin King – Ireland's smoothest weatherman 

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What is it about going home that makes us regress back to our teenage years? 

Suddenly, we find ourselves to be an overgrown version of our once whiny, hormonal selves…

Here are some things you may find happening when you head home for weekends…

1. You run to the fridge to hide all the nice stuff from your siblings
They’ll never check the veg drawer

2. You go to your room only to realise your mom is slowly but surely turning it into something else
What is this, a gym? A sewing room? A dressing room? You can’t quite tell yet

3. You say you’re going to hit the local pub(s) but end up watching The Late Late with your parents
“Ah, I’ll just see who he has on next and go then”

4. You have a massive fight with your brother/sister
He ate all the food in the whole house/you found your favourite jumper in her bag

5. You try to think of a good excuse not to go to mass
“I’m a Buddhist now, sorry Maw”

6. You have the BEST breakfast of all time complete with black AND white pudding, rashers, sausages and eggs
Heaven

7. You curse ONCE and you mom demands to know “what kind of people you’re hanging around with these days”
The worst kind

8. Finally, you’re glad to be leaving – but you’re still looking forward to heading home next week
Aww

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It’s easy to love Bill Murray the actor for his superb performances and fantastic film roles, but how easy is it to love Bill Murray, the man?  Very.

 In fact, it’s even easier.

If you don’t know much about Bill apart from his roles in Ghostbusters, Lost in Translation and The Grand Budapest Hotel, then ladies you are in for a treat.

Feast your eyes on the many reasons Bill Murray is a king among men.

He karaokes
​The sixty-four year-old star rocked out with a gang of karaokers in a New York bar when one of the group invited the actor to join their private studio.  He accepted, he bought them drinks and he sang a duet with one of the group. Legend.

He fights crime
Bill accidentally helped apprehend a bank robber in Tokyo when he stopped to chat to a man on the run from police. The man, who was attempting to escape arrest, spotted Bill and was super eager to discuss Lost in Translation. Bill happily obliged only to have the man tackled by police minutes later. Never a dull moment.

He works the camera
He made a newly-engaged couple’s day by including himself in their engagement photoshoot. Looking a little like a confused uncle, Bill barely smiled, but looked happy to take part all the same. Hey, if you’re gonna be photobombed by anyone, it may as well be Bill Murray, right?

He does your dishes
College student Lykke Stavnef astounded her mates when she rocked up to a house party in Scotland with Bill, whom she had earlier met in a bar. He mingled, he entertained and then he pulled on his marigolds and started doing their dishes.  We need this man on our guest lists.

He tends bar
While visiting a bar in Austin in 2010, Bill decided to mosy on in behind the bar (as you do) and began to serve rounds of tequila, regardless of the customer’s request. If Bill Murray gives you tequila, you take tequila. End of.

 

If only they’d make a film of his real life. Sigh.

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