The 15 stages of living all by yourself
When you live alone, every day is a filthy gift and the only person there to unwrap it is you. You can lounge in your tracksuit bottoms and sit around eating popcorn off of your stomach all day and no one can tell you it’s ‘gross’ or ‘sad’. But with great power, comes great responsibility and sometimes living alone can turn you into an anti-social minger with no regard for anyone but yourself. In some ways it’s the perfect life.
1. At first you might have a hard time adjusting to your newfound freedom.
2. But then you realise that this means you can literally do whatever the hell you want. Always.
3. No More Clothes…
4. You can eat all the food!
5. And drink all the booze…
6. You dance like no one is watching. Because no one is.
7. Hygiene is no longer of concern to you.
8. You can listen to whatever the hell you want all day and no one can say a thing.
9. You find that you really don’t have the patience to deal with other people anymore.
10. And you become irrationally protective about your abode
11. Soon you find yourself doing barely nothing
12. And start drinking out of bowls like an animal.
13. Eventually you find yourself craving human interaction
14. But socialising doesn’t come as easily as it used to.
15. One day you’ll wake up surrounded by crap and decide it’s finally time to get a roommate or move in with your significant other.
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