Sexual fantasies might sound slightly taboo but it turns out that there are some pretty unexpected things going on in your partner's mind.
And it's not all threesomes and sex with an ex, we were shocked to discover.
A study carried out by Superdrug Online Doctor found out that men's fantasies are emotional as well as physical – who knew, huh?
And it seems that those sexy daydreams aren't doing any damage to your relationships as 4 in 5 of those who do fantasise consider themselves either satisfied or very satisfied with their partner.
While fantasising about sex is obvs up there for both men and women, we're also thinking about more innocent hanky panky such as cuddling and kissing.
Yes, 16.8% and 29.7% of men respectively fantasied about cuddling and kissing.
The figures show that women are 30% more likely to fantasise about kissing than men but men are 7% more likely to fantasise about sex…not too shocking tbh.
And sharing is deffo caring or so the stats say as it shows that those who share their fantasies with their partner are 13% more satisfied with their sex lives – get sharing, lads.
So, lets get down to the nitty gritty – who are these people in our fantasies?
The results show that fantasies usually involve an ex, a friend or a stranger but more often a stranger.
Men were more likely to think of an ex or a friend while women opted for the stranger.
Interesting, right?
Do you think sexual fantasies are okay and if so, would you talk about them with your partner?
Christmas is officially one month away! We have yet to start our shopping and the stress of what to buy our other half is weighing us down. Finding the perfect gift for someone is a nightmare but some people have taken the stress out of Christmas by making a deal with their beau. According to new research commissioned by FUJIFILM, over half (53 percent) of women this year are planning not to gift to their partner this Christmas.
Delving into the insights provided by over 1,000 women in recent weeks, the rationale for not giving to their other half at Christmas can be summarised under three main headings:
Money: After purchasing gifts for children and extended family, on top of forking out for the festive food, there is just no cash left to buy for their other half according to 48 percent of participants.
Inspiration: What do you buy the person who ‘has everything’ or simply ‘does not need anything’? This was the response of 27 percent of participants who are planning on ditching the Christmas gift for their partner this year.
Time: With women taking on the lion’s share of the Christmas preparations, it’s hardly surprising that 25 percent say that they simply won’t have time to purchase a gift for their other half on top of everything else.
The Christmas countdown is on and while some people (13 percent) will have started ticking off their gift list as early as January this year, not everyone is as organised. However, the common theme amongst this year’s savvy buyers is to shop local, with over 77 percent avoiding online UK purchases for fear of problems getting product guarantees honoured in the future or returning items in the new year due to Brexit.
Parenting Expert Laura Erskine, has some advice for those of you who put yourself and your partner last on the Christmas list this year:
“Choosing not to buy your other half a gift this Christmas may seem like the easy option this year, especially when done on the basis of a joint pact. However, I would advise couples to think very carefully about what this says about the health of your relationship.”
“When a relationship is under strain, the lack of a gift or indeed a poorly thought out gift tend to take on symbolic proportions where the recipient believes their partner doesn’t care for them as much as they used to. This is particularly true when you witness the giver gift to family members at the same time. Likewise, when your other half nails your gift, irrespective of how much money was spent on it, you tend to feel loved and connected to your mate.”
Gift giving to your partner at Christmas time is an important part of the celebration and does not have to cost a lot of money, require a huge amount of thought, or take up too much of your time. The FUJIFILM Imagine mobile app is everyone's secret weapon to blitz their Christmas list in record time, but with all of the sentiment and none of the hefty expense!
The photos locked away on our smartphones hold the secret to some really amazing Christmas gifts. Simply choose photos depicting special moments shared between you and your partner, the kids or even the family pet and use them to create personalised presents they will treasure forever. You can order through the FUJIFILM Imagine mobile app, online, and on touch screen kiosks in store nationwide. Choose from personalised photo books, canvas art, phone or tablet covers and much, much more. Then, wrap it all up with personalised gift-wrapping paper to really bring a smile to their faces this festive season.
Breaking up is hard to do, and there is no other term for it other than it completely, totally sucks.
Whether you were broken up with or you had to do the breaking up, moving on can be tough no matter how the relationship met its demise.
While we may just want to bury our heads in a bucket of ice cream and vegetate in front on Netflix, there is apparently a new way to speed up the healing process of a broken heart.
According to science, there is a breakup trick that will help you get over your ex-lover much faster.
Apparently, just thinking that you are over them makes you over them. Here's how it works:
A research team from the University of Colorado Boulder ran tests on participants who had recently experienced a ‘romantic rejection,’ and half were given a placebo feel good drug to see how they coped with the feelings.
The participants were studied in a brain imaging lab while recalling details of their breakup while staring at a picture of their ex. Intense.
The half of the group which were given the 'feel good' placebo drug were more over their previous relationship than those who weren't.
So it seems that just telling yourself that you're okay is half the battle.
There are many things we’d like to forget about our teenage years; the emo phase, the streaky tan, the concealer covered lips, the cringey duck face poses and most of all- your first crush.
Whether it was the boy who lived down the street or Disney’s ‘It Boy’ of the time Zac Efron, we all had our fair share of playground and popstar crushes.
There are many we’d like to forget, especially ones whose names will forever be scribbled in the back of our geography copies.
We develop crushes from quite a young age, the average being aged 12, but we can’t help but wonder why we feel this way.
What causes the butterflies in our stomachs, the glint in our eye when we spot them in town, the feeling of frustration when we don’t hear from them and that elation when we do?
We spoke to psychologist Rachel Tomlinson about catching feels, feeling smitten and the impact it all has on our mind.
First things first, why on earth do we fall for people? We all understand just how complicated and stressful dating and relationships can be, so why does our mind crave affection like there’s no tomorrow?
“We have these feelings because humans are social creatures and we are driven to try and form relationships with other people.
“We want relationships and crave them. These relationships keep us safe, both mentally and physically and having reciprocal and positive relationships is good for our health and stress levels,” Rachel explained.
We all want to find the Harry to our Meghan, the Miley to our Liam and the Beyoncé to our Jay-Z, but it isn’t as straightforward as we wish it was.
We fret about what to wear for that first date, we panic about coming across as too eager or whether we are making a good impression.
We beat ourselves up when they don’t respond to us, we worry about winning them over or if they’re ‘the one’.
The impact it has on our mind is pretty intense at times.
“Having strong, mutually beneficial relationships (including romantic ones) make us feel good and give us a sense of social connection which is healthy. However, issues can arise when relationships end or crushes aren’t reciprocated.
“If people have recently become single or are experiencing overwhelming feelings of love and lust that aren’t returned it can result in stress, lowered immunity, poor physical and potentially exacerbate mental health issues,” she stressed.
We all want a significant other, crush or lover to feel the same as we do. We crave that attention, love and desire like a cup of coffee at 6 am on a Monday morning.
“Your brain responds to this attraction by signalling the release of chemicals: dopamine, norepinephrine and serotonin. These are feel-good chemicals and people can experience excitement, excess physical energy (including heart racing, sweaty palms etc) and giddy/joyful feelings,” Rachel continued.
Testosterone and oestrogen are also released and we feel lust.
This combination of chemicals gives us a rush like no other, but they can become addictive. “People often find that they crave the presence of their crush to get more of those feelings, resulting in (sometimes) quite obsessive thought patterns. Having a crush can feel as though your brain and body have been hijacked by this new love (or lust).”
It’s a natural feeling that has been built into our minds for generations and generations. Your 85-year-old granny once got butterflies at a dance in the 1950s. Your mam definitely swooned over Rob Lowe during the 1980s. Your big brother definitely shed secret tears when his childhood crush went to the debs with his best friend. Your co-worker certainly worries about what to wear on that all too important first date. The guy sitting next to you on the bus no doubt gets butterflies when bumping into his college love after years apart.
It’s a feeling we’re all going to have to get used to because as Emily Dickinson once said ‘the heart want what it wants or else it does not care.'
Discovering your other half has cheated on you has to be one of the most soul-destroying experiences a person can endure.
Even though it should never be considered a reflection on you, it undoubtedly leads most of us to question ourselves, our self-worth and our impression of other people.
So far, so hideous, right? Well, according to scientists, the experience isn't ALL bad, and actually helps the injured parties in more ways than we can ever imagine when we're crying ourselves to sleep and forgetting to wash our hair.
In a study conducted by Binghamton University in conjunction with University College London, researchers asked more than 5,500 participants to assess the repercussions of failed relationships and the outcome of infidelity.
According to the researchers' findings, women who have been cheated on tend to develop higher levels of emotional intelligence.
Commenting on this, research associate Craig Morris said: "Most women who have lost a mate to another women report a 'silver lining' of higher mating intelligence."
"What this means, in their words, is that they are more attuned to cues of infidelity in a future mate, more aware of how other women interact with their mate, have more self confidence and more self-awareness, and independence in general," he concluded.
In the words of Kelis, might trick me once, I won't let you trick me twice…
“I’d also like to find a lot more love. It doesn’t need to be sexual. I could be done sexually with my girlfriend.
"I think we’ve been pretty clear that I want to feel free to fall in love with people and that [option] should be open, but sexually it can be closed off.”
The Fault In Our Stars actor said he loves a number of his male friends, “I’m in love with a bunch of my male friends who I’m not interested in having sex with, so why can’t I put the desire to have sex with women aside and let myself have love with women?”
Speaking of his co-star, Shailene Woodley, he said, “I love Shailene Woodley and we never had anything sexual and that was great.
“There will probably be some sort of chemical thing at some point that you can’t help, but you just have to be disciplined and not be a f******…We’re primitive beings.”
Tens of thousands of Irish people are facing their romantic and sex lives being damaged by chronic pain, a study revealed yesterday.
1.65 million sufferers nationwide live with acute and persistent discomfort in Ireland, which takes a toll on work, sleep, leisure and relationships.
35 percent of study participants claimed that the persistent pain had deeply affected their sex lives, with 17 percent saying their pain had a huge impact on their physical relationships.
Chronic pain is defined by health experts and doctors as over 12 weeks of consistent pain, with the Irish Society of Chartered Physiotherapists saying three-out-of-four sufferers can't live regular lives
Among those with chronic pain, almost half reported that their ability to sleep had been damaged.
Dr Brona Fullen of the UCD School of Public Health said:
“Living with persistent pain is not easy. Not only does it impact on on physical well-being but also your mental health. Emotions such as worry, stress, anxiety, low mood, fear and anger can develop.”
The survey interviewed 1,000 people, with 434 reporting that they had suffered chronic pain at one part in their lives.
75 percent said that it had a negative impact on their social activities and exercise. 70 percent of sufferers admitted that it damaged their ability to take part in family life and playing with their children.
Chronic pain is costing the taxpayer billions each year, according to the ISCP. This Sunday marks World Physiotherapy Day, with the 2019 theme being chronic pain.
The normal tissue healing frame is three-to-six months, and most chronic pain conditions have no apparent biological value. The causes and cures of female pain disorders are especially under-researched.
The long-held absurd belief that men have massive libidos and women are pretty indifferent when it comes to sex is still a prominent myth in our society, and new research proves this point.
A new study commissioned by the End Violence Against Women Coalition has shown that almost half of people still reckon that men have stronger sex drives than women.
3,922 British adults were quizzed on heterosexual relationships, and one-third of people (32 percent) think men need sex more than women (WOW) compared to only one percent who said the opposite.
45 percent of the study's participants said that they think a man is more likely to initiate sex, compared with three percent who believe the opposite.
43 percent said that both sexes were equally responsible for starting sex. One-in-10 of respondents claimed that a woman decides when the intimate act has finished, compared with 36 percent for men and 38 percent who said both.
"Although it's good to find that three-quarters of adults believe men and women are both likely to enjoy sex, what we clearly also have are persistent, widely held views about who sex is primarily 'for', who 'needs' it and whose pleasure matters,” said Sarah Green, director of the organisation.
"This is a cornerstone of equality as much as equal pay and shared parenting, but 'the orgasm gap' is perhaps not as widely discussed as some other key equality issues."
Interestingly, pensioners are more likely than 18-24-year-olds to believe both partners enjoy sex. People aged 65 and older felt both a man and woman would equally enjoy sex.
Among 18-24-year-olds, just 25 percent believe having sex is a mutual decision, while 50 percent think it is up to the man to decide. Just 10 percent believe it’s up to women to choose whether they have sex.
7 percent think women are more likely to "go along with sex to keep their partner happy", compared with only 2 percent who thought the same of men.
Dr Fiona Vera Gray, research fellow at Durham Law School and expert on sexual harassment and pornography, said: "This report shows how far we've got to go in changing outdated ideas about women as sexual gatekeepers."
Research has recently proven that men and women are equally aroused by sexual images, showing that sex makes no difference to the response to sexual visual stimuli.
The Max Planck Institute for Biological Cybernetics in Tübingen, Germany published the news in the scientific journal PNAS last month, saying; "Erotic pictures and videos are widely assumed to induce differential response due to sexual duality," the researchers stated.
Put the phone down and cut the pointless scrolling.
Wanna have a productive day?
Then a quickie is the only way…according to a new study, that is.
The study surveyed nearly 1,000 people living with their other half about all things AM passion.
And the results were quite startling, tbh.
Ok so when it comes to getting down and dirty when you wake up, 63% of women said nope, it's not their cup of tea and they had NEVER done it.
Lads, are you serious?!
One in five did admit though that they would like to make it a regular part of their routine – and we agree!
They also discovered that more than 45% of women and 53% of men say morning sex makes them more productive.
Having sex = your boss not shouting at you because you are actually doing good work.
Sounds like a win-win to us.
It also looked like women were willing to give up their beauty sleep to get frisky – a whole 30 minutes!
For men, it was unsurprisingly 45 minutes of kip that they would sacrifice for a morning romp.
And overall, it isn't surprising that those surveyed who had morning sex at least once a week, were more satisfied in their relationships…so what are you waiting for?
“The world is disturbingly comfortable with the fact that women sometimes leave a sexual encounter in tears.” Lili Loofbourow
According to a recent study published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine, about 30 percent of women report feeling pain during vaginal intercourse.
This alarming statistic is only recorded amongst women who are even comfortable speaking to doctors about sex, meaning that a far greater number could be more accurate.
Another hugely concerning fact which the study expressed is that "large proportions" of women don't tell their partners when sex hurts, they simply grin and bear it.
This testifies to the notion that women often sacrifice their pleasure, not to mention their comfort, for male satisfaction. The assumption that “bad sex” simply means the absence of pleasure is a naïve one- for many women, “bad sex” can mean extreme discomfort and even agony.
Debby Herbenick, an academic from the Indiana University School of Public Health and one of those who incentivised the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behaviour, confirmed this suggestion.
"When it comes to 'good sex,'" she commented, "women often mean without pain, men often mean they had orgasms."
The satisfaction scale for men and women is clearly imbalanced. Painful sex isn’t the rare outlier that it’s proclaimed to be, in fact, it’s far more widespread than imagined.
For some women, such as those suffering from illnesses such as endometriosis, ectopic pregnancies and vaginismus, it’s part of their reality.
For others, they are in need of more foreplay, lubrication or comfort. Anxiety and tension can have a drastic impact on female sexual pleasure.
There are dozens of possible reasons why you could be experiencing pain during sex, ranging from the physical to the psychological.
The troubling thing is that so many of these reasons are not well-known, and they are scarcely researched or prioritised in our healthcare systems.
Dyspareunia is the medical term for painful sex, and can be a deeply distressing condition which takes a massive emotional toll on those who experience it.
According to another scientific article on women’s pain:
“Approximately 15% of women have chronic dyspareunia that is poorly understood, infrequently cured, often highly problematic, and distressing.”
The stigma surrounding problems such as the ones mentioned above is part of the reason why women aren’t discussing their sexual pain, especially not with healthcare practitioners.
Even if a woman feels willing and able to discuss her sex life with her doctor, the lack of research into female pain in general as well as in sexual medicine means that even more barriers crop up.
Being taught you were born unequal on a physical level instills a deep-seated inferiority complex, one I'm only starting to unlearn at age 27. When we learn we're naturally built for more pain & less pleasure, we come to accept lives where we experience more pain & less pleasure.
Other disorders such as vulvodynia, vestibulodynia, interstitial cystitis, vaginitis, vaginal atrophy, fibroids, lichen sclerosus and lichen planus (skin disorders), ovarian cysts and endometriosis have all been grossly under-reported, and awareness of these conditions is extremely limited.
Yeast infections, overly tight pelvic floor muscles, bowel problems and hormonal imbalances can also be major contributors to pain during sex, as well as STI’s.
BBC Three has recently aired a visceral visual essay series, where director Sindha Agha decided to artistically depicted the female experience of painful sex.
The beautiful video uses colourful imagery and imaginative props such as glass, metal nails, sprinkles, knives and fruit to parallel with the emotional narration:
Endometriosis sufferer Rhoda Hierons reads her own words aloud with a gorgeous and vivid backdrop, describing the pain of sex as “glass shattering inside you and embedding itself”.
Sindha Agha emotively explains the meaning behind her video: “I’m trying to create an external language for women’s innermost experiences,” she claims.
“As women, I feel we’ve been led to believe that many of our experiences are indescribable, incommunicable; that even when we can figure out how to talk about what happens inside our bodies and our minds, that we’d better not — that others don’t want to hear it because it’s too gross, too sad, too strange. Above all, that we won’t be understood."
System injustices in healthcare need to change if women ever want to truly understand and gain respect for their own bodies.
Women have never been given the tools to communicate their pain, especially not during sex. Language is not in a woman’s favour, even the medical understanding of the female anatomy is not where it should be.
Without the words, women cannot use language to communicate.
Without language, there is no voice that can even attempt to ask for the help that they desperately need.
For more information, check out some of these informative websites on pain and female sexual health:
The people of Twitter have shared the best kisses in TV history and we are swooning. Some of the most iconic on-screen couples made the list, but do you agree with the top smooches?
Writer Jenna Guillaume got the ball rolling on Twitter by revealing her fave snog and it’s a classic.
There are SO many I love, but my absolute fave has to be Nick and Jess.
She wrote: “There are SO many I love, but my absolute fave has to be Nick and Jess. I think about this kiss a lot."
Us too, Jenna. Us too.
Classic couples like Gossip Girl’s Chuck and Blair obviously made the list, alongside Brooklyn Nine Nine’s Jake and Amy
The SHEmazing team decided to share our fave TV kisses from our most beloved TV shows.
'Mine is Bill and Sookie from True Blood!
The early seasons of the show were brilliant and they were also a couple in real life – they got together while filming season one I think which is a nice added detail.'
-Jennifer McShane, Editor
'Jess and Rory's kiss in Gilmore Girls is so hyped-up – the sexual tension fizzes between them for months before it happens.
And you can see that their chemistry is real – they started dating after they met on the show, after all.'
-Aoife Loughnane, Editorial Intern
'When Rachel makes up with Ross. I think this was after the whole 'we were on a break thing'. But all of them sat down to watch an old home video of Rachel and Monica's prom.
Rachel crosses the room and kisses him romantically and we're reminded that nothing could ever come in between Ross and Rachel. I mean, they're Ross and Rachel after all.'
-Shayna Sappington, Editorial Intern
Emily and Paige from Pretty Little Liars, the journey for them both to overcome their fears about being judged for their sexuality is touching.
-Sarah Magliocco, Deputy Editor
'My fave on-screen kiss also took place in Stars Hollow. Rory and Logan's naive and intense relationship was just so endearing. The kisses shared on mornings in their apartment always made me turn to mush.'
Kissing is fun, everybody knows that. But who would have known that the act of smooching can actually give you HEALTH BENEFITS?
Does it heal your broken heart, clear your skin and boost your immune system? You're about to find out.
Strap yourselves in ladies, here are each and every glorious health benefit of puckering up. You should probably find someone to practice on…you know, for the sake of your body. It's a temple, isn't it?
Just don't do it like this:
According to a 2009 scientific study, when we kiss somebody, our bodies release hormones which can actually ease stress. In the case of men, it increases bonding too. We love a good bromance alert.
Oral healthcare, anyone?
Now, we're not saying that you shouldn't brush your teeth or use mouthwash, but allegedly, a good kiss marathon is great news for your teeth and gums. How? Listen up:
“When you’re kissing, you’re secreting more saliva in your mouth. That’s the mechanism that washes away the plaque on your teeth that leads to cavities.” A shift a day keeps the dental plaque away, girlos.
It acts as a painkiller (Seriously)
Your achy, break-y heart deserves some attention. Especially when you've got some form of cramps, like your time of the month.
Apparently, some lip action actually helps to reduce the effects of chronic pain. Some savvy scientists at Current Pharmaceutical Design conducted some research into smooching, learned that the “cuddle hormone” oxytocin is packed full of analgesic painkilling properties.
Oxytocin s released whenever you kiss and hug your partner, so do it as much as possible, we say. Blood vessel dilation after a good kissing sesh is great for reducing aches and pains, so when you're on your period, pucker up. You NEED it, right?
Hayfever or Bae-fever?
Anyone who suffers from allergies can rejoice at this news; apparently kissing eases itchy eyes and snotty noses (ew).
Researchers at Satou Hospital in Japan investigated the protective effect of kissing against allergies, and claim that locking lips for only 30 minutes can do wonders for the immune system.
It decreases the release of histamine (the chemical which is produced in response to allergens) as it relaxes you, and also can work miracles for eczema sufferers. Is there anything a great shift can't do?
No pressure, honeys
So apparently, kissing can even reduce your blood pressure? We've all felt butterflies in our stomachs and a weakening of the ol' knees, as well as a quickening heartbeat, and now we've figured out that kissing passionately does even more:
Demirjian explains: “It gets your heartbeat revved in a healthy way that lowers your blood pressure. It dilates the blood vessels, allowing blood to flow more freely, taking pressure off your organs, especially your heart and brain.”
Hot Diggedy Damn, we're 100 percent HERE for this science.
Let's talk about sex, baby, let's talk about you + me
Your sex life gets some HELLA drastic improvements from kissing; the two go together like Grace & Frankie, like women and vibrators, like Netflix and chill. You get the idea.
Kissing is also WAY more likely to increase your chances of having an orgasm. Lord knows we could use some of those…
As Carol Queen, the staff sexologist at Good Vibrations, explains;
“Kissing is a powerful type of foreplay… it helps increase the chances that both partners will have a good and pleasurable erotic experience.”
Face the Facts
So BASICALLY, kissing involves more than 30 facial muscles, which can be given a major workout from a good kiss.
According to Demirjian, tongue wrestling can strengthen your neck and jawline – very good news, as these are particularly tricky spots to exercise on a daily basis.
“Your mouth has a number of facial muscles,” she says. “When those are engaged in kissing, you can tighten and tone them.”
Tighten and tone, you say? Sign us up.
2019 Mood
A perfectly-timed kiss can be the ideal mood booster. If scientists are saying it, then it must be true, right?
Puckering up can give your body a big-time release of happiness hormones, such as serotonin, oxytocin and dopamine. Ooh la la.
Those hormonal bad boys can help you relax, restore and revitalise your system. What more could you need?
NOW do you believe us about scientific research?
Grab that lad or lassie and get your smooch on, it's for your own benefit, and theirs too.
Your doctor has officially given you one prescription to visit the LOVE shack *winks*
