The 12 worst memories of the dreaded Leaving Cert

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May 12, 2014

It’s that time of year again folks.

The sun is shining, children are playing and students are finishing exams in anticipation of another fantastic summer!

There is one section of Irish society that everybody simultaneously pities and laughs at, and we’ve all been there. The Leaving Certificate seems a distant memory now, but remember how you felt during yours? It was an unhappy time for all.

Here are our worst memories from the Leaving Cert.

1. Little children laughing hysterically outside your window.
Trying to cram the final few Shakespeare quotes into your head, while the kids on your road boot a ball off your garden wall and you think that they’re conspiring against you with their over-the-top laughing.

2. Studying in the best weather the country has seen all year.
The sunlight beams into your room when you’re studying and penetrates the exam hall during your LC subjects.

3. Having a meltdown the day before
Doing all the preparation you can physically muster, only to clasp your hands to your head, grit your teeth and have a private nervous breakdown now that you’ve realised that your time has come.

4. Highlighting 95% of the words in your study notes.
“If I highlight these words, I’ll remember them easier.” Yeah, but it doesn’t work if you highlight the whole page.

5. Shooting a look of disgust at anyone who asks for more paper.
“Please sir, may I have some more?” A simultaneous rendition of rolling eyes, loud sighs and ignorant tutting echoes around the exam hall. “Tosser.”

6. Banging your head against the desk because nothing is going in.
You have done it at least a couple of times. Whether you’re studying alone in your room or trying to remember something from two weeks ago while in your exam.

7. Trying to fit your prepared English essay into a totally irrelevant question.
Why do all the questions you prepare for fail to appear on the exam paper?! You prepared one essay and are determined to fit that into the exam question, whether it makes sense or not!

8. The cool dude in every school who leaves 30 minutes into the exam
It’s half past 9. Queue the cool guy who sat there for 30 minutes chewing on his pen. He hands an empty sheet of paper to the examiner and struts his way as slow and loudly as possible to the exit door with a cigarette in his mouth.

9. “Leigh anois go curamach ar do scrudphaipear na treoracha agus na ceisteanna a ghabhan le cuid A.” Beeeeeeeeeee
The most irritating noise any student will ever hear. And why is EVERYONE called Máire and Sean Óg? We get it, “as Gaeilge.”

10. Your hand feeling like it’s about to fall off.
After completing paper two in your English exam, your hand feels like it has given up. Blue ink mashed down the side of your hand, and it struggles to put your pens back into your pencil case. It looks like it’s for the bin.

11. All your friends are out celebrating while you stay in and study for chemistry next Friday.
“Why ME?” The question springs to mind. Because you picked an awkward subject and strayed away from the pack. And now you’re paying the price.

12. Finishing early and giving up in your last exam.
“What’s the point anymore?” You don’t care, you give up. You’ve had enough. You beckon the examiner over with a sharp whistle and leave the exam hall behind forever. You’re finally done – where’s the offy?