The classic 12 stages of 12 Pubs with your other half
Most of the time, relationships and excess alcohol consumption do not go hand-in-hand. If you’ve ever had to sit through a blazing, gin-fuelled row between your friend and her boyfriend you’ll know exactly what we’re talking about.
So, when the time for The 12 Pubs of Christmas rolls around, the idea that a row between yourself and your own boyfriend somewhere between the 1st and 12th pub certainly isn’t beyond the realms of possibility.
Someone will have seven G&T’s too many (you) and someone else will think that spilling a pint on your new bag isn’t a cause for tears (him), all of which lead to a furious, face-melting row under the Christmas lights, in front of the pub and beside the other rowing couple.
Here are the 12 stages of 12 pubs with your beloved.
Pub 1: Nerves
Remember what happened last year when his Guinness met your new jeans in the 1st pub and his mate tried to score your mate? Maybe this isn’t such a good idea.
Pub 2: Concern
Dear God, maybe this really is the biggest mistake of all time considering how YOU get after 5 wines and how HE gets when his Christmas jumper becomes too scratchy. Lord, he's itching already.
Pub 3: Excitement
No! We’ve all learned from last year. His mate said he’d keep his hands to himself, you’ve promised not to cry and your boyfriend’s sworn that Captain Morgan’s won’t pass his lips this year.
Pub 4: Joy
You’ve hit pub #4 and it couldn’t be going better! Festive cheer galore! Would you look at his flushed cheeks, I want to kiss them off!
Pub 5: Drunkeness
You've made it to pub #5 and everyone’s getting into the spirit a little too enthusiastically. You’ve seen him neck a Captains on the sly after he promised not to and you’ve already had a cry in the toilets with your bestie who’s home from Oz.
Pub 6: Further inebriation
You're halfway there and his mate is already making a move on your mate, but it’s not the same one as last year! Now, that’s just rude.
Pub 7: Complete intoxication
It's the 7th pub and the phrase ‘Get a room’ has been thrown at you and your other half for the first time in your lives. What! Those bright red cheeks are just too sexy, dammit.
Pub 8: Frustration
You’ve hit pub #8 and you’ve already been heard trying to order a triple wine after yourself and himself had a furious, whispered ‘discussion’ in the corner of the pub because he forgot to clink your glass while saying ‘Cheers’.
Pub 9: Despair
This is where it truly starts to go downhill. You can’t find him in a sea of Christmas jumpers and he can’t find you in a sea of swaying girls wearing Christmas tree earrings. You’re never going to make it out of here alive.
Pub 10: Anger
He PROMISED to wait for you outside every pub if you didn’t leave together and you PROMISED not to leave via the fire escape. You’ve both failed on each count.
Pub 11: Elation
You’ve found him. He’s found you. You’re with all your friends, you’re celebrating the festive season and who cares that one of you has already puked? Isn’t this what Christmas is all about?
Pub 12: Relief
You’ve done it! You’ve made it to pub #12 and you’re still in a relationship. You think…
