The do’s and dont’s when your friend is going through a break-up

Relationships

Nov 19, 2014

We've all been there. Your friend has tearfully announced that her and her other half are no more and it's YOUR job to make it right. No pressure!

Not always easy, not always rewarding, but always, always necessary!

Here are ten tips on how to to deal with post-break up territory.

The Do's

Do buy her chocolate and sit with her all weekend if that’s what she wants, but ONLY if that’s what she wants.

Do listen to her rose-tinted version of her relationship, no matter what you think. Telling her that it wasn’t all it was cracked up to be is not going to do you, or her, any favours.

Do remind her that it will get better. Yes, you’ll get a glare or balled-up tissue thrown at you, but your words will resonate with her later when she’s on her own.

Do organise some things that will take her mind off the situation. Not everyone responds to a break-up by wanting to go out, get thrashed and score a randomer. Cinema trips, pizza dinners and ice cream fests are the kinds of girlie evenings that will, whether she wants to believe it or not, make her feel better.

Do remember that it’s OK to take a step back every now and again and let another pal take up the slack. You’re not being a bad friend, you’re simply looking after yourself at the same time.

The Don'ts

Don't badmouth him. A few harmless jokes about his appalling choice in footwear wouldn't go astray though! She may be heartbroken, but let's call a spade a spade.

Don't bring up times she criticised him in a bid to make her feel better. It definitely won’t. In fact, it may make her heart break a little bit more.

Don't compare her current situation with any from your past. She won’t see the similarities, no matter how glaring they are, and she might feel like she’s not entitled to vent.

Don't forget to remind her how fantastic SHE is. These situations too often focus on the absent boyfriend and we forget to focus on his great SHE was before him, and will be, after him!

Don't get so bogged down in her woes that you feel like you’re carrying the burden for the two of you. You can’t be a support if you’re mentally and emotionally drained.