‘Who said mass?’ 12 things you’ll only know if you grew up Catholic

If you grew up in a Catholic household, you'll know only too well the number of sayings, habits and rituals which pepper daily conversation.

For a long time, you took most of these things as standard, and happily assumed everyone held the same beliefs and followed the same rules as you and your family.

And whether or not you still practise, the vast majority of us are now able to see the funny side of the various perceptions we had of the fate as youngsters.

And here are just 12…

1. Assuming St Anthony ran his own Lost & Found

As a child, you thought of St Anthony as the Finder of All the Lost Things.

Whether it was your school journal or your favourite Troll you were looking for, St Anthony was the bloke to talk to.

And it never hurt to promise him a few bob in return for finding your Camogie kit.

2. Presuming candles held magical powers

Both your mother and grandmother gave you the impression that lighting the wick of a candle was the equivalent of casting a spell.

Whether it was in the run-up to exams or following the hospitalisation of a family member, the candle process was looked upon with almost as much importance as studying or medicine.

And if you're honest, you still get a little comfort out of it the odd time, right?

3. Feeling disappointed that your Confirmation name would appear absolutely nowhere

You spent months if not years turning various names over in your head in the run-up to your Confirmation Day.

After finally choosing a name which you thought worked for you, you couldn't wait to practise your new (and extra-long) signature.

And then you learned that aside from your Confirmation Day, you will never ever be asked about it again.

4. Remembering what you bought with your Communion cash

One of our most abiding childhood memories is the sheer wads of cash pressed upon us on our Communion Day.

And to this day, the vast majority of us still remember what we splurged on with our loot.

And if it wasn't made of plastic, totally overpriced and nowhere near as fun as we thought it would be, you did it wrong.

5. Fearing the catechism and all it stood for

While the term catechism was rarely brought up by your teachers, your grandparents had a habit of asking you about it.

After being forced to memorise it back in their day, they were stunned to find out that your generation was getting off lightly.

And you feared the day they might reintroduce it to primary schools.

6. Faking 'sins' so you'd have something to say at Confession

Although you spent half your childhood doing things you probably shouldn't have, when the time for Confession came, your mind went blank.

For some reasons some 'sins' didn't seem worthy enough and others were much too real to be confessed, so your imagination went to town.

And you often compared notes with mates before you took a seat inside the Confession Box to make sure you weren't overlapping with your fictional 'sins'.

7. Wishing the Holy Wafer wouldn't stick to the roof of your mouth

You spent the first eight years of your life wishing you could take part in the Communion aspect of mass.

And then the day comes, and you wonder why you bothered.

No one told you the wafer would stick to your mouth, and you wouldn't even get a sip of that wine doing the rounds.

8. Wearing your Communion dress every Sunday for the following three weeks

Being told you were allowed wear your Communion dress more than once was pretty damn amazing.

And like any self-respecting kid, you rode that wave for as long as possible.

Which ultimately meant your mother was forced to hide your Communion dress in the attic until you forgot about it.

9. Plotting your revenge after getting blanked during the Sign of Peace

Look, no one likes the Sign of Peace ritual which we're forced to endure during Catholic mass.

It's awkward, it's unnecessary and it's so very, very skin-crawly.

And yet, when you bother your arse to take part, you don't expect to be fully blanked which is why certain parishioners have a black mark against their name in your book.

10. Feeling like mass was little more than an aerobic session

Between kneeling, sitting and standing, you get your fair share of exercise at mass.

And those times you had to go from kneeling to standing? Yeah, they weren't for the fainthearted.

Why couldn't you just make like that 90-year-old woman in the corner and sit perfectly still for an hour?

11. Pretending to feel embarrassed by your ashes but secretly loving them

Everyone pretended to hate getting ashes on Ash Wednesday, but everyone secretly loved it.

And that's because you got a break from class and were allowed roam around with a dirty face and no one could say a word.

What's not to love?

12. Spending an afternoon in a graveyard was relatively normal 

If you grew up in a Catholic family, you'll know that your parents often considered a roam around the graveyard as an acceptable way to spend a Sunday afternoon.

While you were all for a quick visit to remember deceased relatives, you drew the line at your mother's insistence to check out every grave in the place.

And why she felt the need to guess what caused the death of each person was beyond you…