Why my attitude to Valentines has to change – for my mental health

For many millennials (myself included) being single is something of a lifestyle necessity, based on our increasingly hectic work lives and social calendars. 

While singledom is nothing to be ashamed of, Valentines Day can be a marker of time that leaves me thinking: 'Wow, another year alone.'

Now, I'm definitely not one to throw a pity party, but with almost two years having gone by since my last relationship, I do occasionally wonder if I'm a romance repellant. 

Even though I choose to remain footloose and fancy free, the day that's in it can cause insecurities about the lack of success in my love life. 

Yes work is going great, I have brunches scheduled every Sunday for the next six months and frankly my hair has never looked better, but where is future bae?

Seriously, what are they doing at this exact moment in time, and how very dare they enjoy their lives without me being in it yet?

No matter how great various other aspects of my life are going, Valentines Day never fails to make me ponder on all the faults of my past relationships, from the long term to the casual to those which started as a Bumble chat and never went any further. 

Like, if I hadn't mentioned on the first date that I fancy Louis Theroux, would things have worked out?

If I hadn't caught my ex cheating, would we still be together with him taking various mistresses on the side? 

These thoughts are dredged up from the graveyard filled with ghosts of ex's past, so rather than celebrating Valentines Day, it feels more like a mental funeral procession, dedicated specifically to mourning the loss of all my past encounters, good and bad. 

And the most annoying part about all this is – I'm not upset in the slightest that I'm single. In fact, I can't even imagine where I would squeeze a romantic relationship in around work, pastimes and spending time with my friends and family. 

However, when you're bombarded with images of designer tokens of love via social media all day, it's pretty hard not to wistfully consider what life would be like with a partner. 

The problem with being single for so long, is that you become entirely self reliant – which definitely isn't a bad thing, but bare with me. 

When you've been single for say, two or three years, or maybe you're someone who has never had a long-term relationship, you become accustomed to making all your decisions alone, plotting your social calendar without having to fit a partner in, 

This has led to believe that while I may just be a romance repellant, it could also have a lot to do with the fact that it would take a pretty extraordinary person to come along, make me look up from my emails or G&T, and be like 'hey, there could be something here.'

So for the sake of not wanting to turn into a Moaning Myrtle every February 14, until extraordinary bae makes an appearance, I should probably consider appreciating the other loves of my life instead of moping after romantic love. 

My sisters, my brother, my parents, my best friends, my work wives, my extended family and my cats (cliche alert) are all more than worth being put on a pedestal today, way above any amorous clinch.

So, rather than considering the mistakes of the past, I'll be focusing on the present this year, and making sure I reach out to the people who love me right now and not pining for the stranger who will in the future.